Once upon a time, there was a man with a pony who went to buy bread with his son. As the father and son walked home, the pony walked alongside them. When the neighbors saw them, they said, “These people are stupid! Look, they are walking next to the pony when they could be riding it!” So the man got on the pony and road it, and they continued home.

Then the neighbors said, “This man is a bad father! Look, he is riding the pony while his poor son has to walk!” So the man got off the pony and let his son ride in his place, and they continued home.

Then the neighbors said, “This son has no respect for elders! Look, he is riding the pony while his poor father has to walk!” So the father got on the pony with his son, and they continued home.

Then the neighbors said, “These people are cruel! Look, they are overburdening the pony by riding it both at once!” So the father and son got off the pony and carried it home. They were late for dinner and woke up the next morning with back pain.

A few days ago, I visited my brother’s condo in downtown Columbus where he had a copy of The Almanack of Naval Ravikant: A Guide to Wealth and Happiness sitting on the coffee table. When we asked him about the book, he described Naval as “one of the wisest people alive,” which is as glowing an endorsement anyone could give an author. I don’t always act on book recommendations, but this week I decided to take my brother up on one of his favorites.

The Almanack of Naval Ravikant is unique in that it addresses both wealth and happiness, two giant themes that are rarely treated concurrently. Naval’s balanced, holistic outlook on life is not what you might expect from a serial entrepreneur whose net worth exceeds $60 million. Money, for Naval, “will solve all your money problems,” but the love of money, he asserts, is an insatiable desire that leads down a path of misery.

Naval says he has a habit of mining books for knowledge and will often not read them from cover to cover. I also learned this skill in college, but I can say that I intently read every word of his almanack. In the process, I typed up a myriad of quotes/excerpts that I thought were worth stashing, which I have consolidated for this article. Below you can find 50+ hand-picked quotes/excerpts that I found inspirational, thought-provoking, or just plain insightful.

Overall, the ~six hours or so I invested in this book were well worth the investment. I recommend you grab a copy and see for yourself what made this work, collated by Eric Jorgenson, the #1 best-seller in numerous categories on Amazon.

50 Insightful Quotes From The Almanack of Naval Ravikant: A Guide to Build Wealth and Happines

Technology democratizes consumption but consolidates production. The best person at anything in the world gets to do it for everyone. 

#1

No one can compete with you on being you. Most of life is a search for who and what needs you the most.

#2

The group of scientists who made real breakthroughs and contributions probably added more to human society, I think, than any other single class of human beings. Not to take away anything from art or politics or engineering or business, but without science, we’d still be scrambling in the dirt, fighting with sticks, and trying to start fires.

#3

Specific knowledge is found much more by pursuing your innate talents, your genuine curiosity, and your passion. It’s not by going to school for whatever is the hottest job. It’s not by going into whatever field investors say is the hottest.

#4

The internet enables any niche interest, as long as you’re the best person at it, to scale out.

#5

Escape competition through authenticity. Basically, when you’re competing with people, it’s because you’re copying them. It’s because you’re trying to do the same thing. But every human is different. Don’t copy.

#6

The most important skill for getting rich is becoming a perpetual learner.

#7

Basic arithmetic and numeracy are way more important in life than doing calculus. Similarly, being able to convey yourself simply using ordinary English words is far more important than being able to write poetry, having an extensive vocabulary, or speaking 7 different languages. Knowing how to be more persuasive when speaking is far more important than being an expert digital marketer or click optimizer. Foundations are key.

#8

Intentions don’t matter, actions do. That’s why being ethical is hard. 

#9

The reason I say this is not to make some glib comment about how 99% of your life is wasted and only 1% is useful. I say this because you should be very thoughtful and realize in most things — relationships, work, even in learning — what you’re trying to do is find the thing you can go all-in on to earn compound interest. When you’re dating, the instance you know this relationship is not going to be the one that leads to marriage, you should probably move on. When you’re studying something, like a geography or history class, and you realize you’re never going to use the information, drop the class. It’s a waste of your time. It’s a waste of your brain energy. I’m not saying don’t do the 99% because it’s very hard to identify what the 1% is. What I’m saying is when you find the 1% of your discipline, which will not be wasted, which you will be able to invest in for the rest of your life and has meaning to you, go all-in, and forget about the rest.

#10

Accountability is a double-edged thing. It allows you to take credit when things go well and to bear the brunt of the failure when things go badly.

#11

We live in an age of infinite leverage, and the economic rewards for genuine intellectual curiosity have never been higher. Following your genuine intellectual curiosity is a better foundation for a career than following whatever is making money right now.

#12

If it entertains you now but will bore you some day, it’s a distraction. Keep looking. 

#13

I only really want to do things for their own sake. That is one definition of art. Whether it’s business, exercise, romance, friendship — whatever. I think the meaning of life is to do things for their own sake. Ironically, when you do things for their own sake, you create your best work. 

#14

You get rewarded by society for giving it what it wants and doesn’t know how to get it elsewhere. 

#15

There are three broad classes of leverage. One form of leverage is labor — other humans working for you. It is the oldest form of leverage and actually not a great one in the modern world. I would argue this is the worst form of leverage that you could possibly use. Managing other people is incredibly messy. It requires tremendous leadership skills. You’re one short hop from a mutiny or getting eaten or torn apart by the mob.

#16

The final form of leverage is brand new, the most democratic form. It is products with no marginal cost of replication. This includes books, media, movies, and code… Now you can multiply your efforts without involving other humans and without needing money from other humans… This newest form of leverage is where all the new fortunes are made.

#17

Humans evolved in societies where there was no leverage… If I was chopping wood or carrying water for you, you knew that 8 hours put in would equal 8 hours of output… With a leveraged worker, judgment is far more important than how much time they put in or how hard they work. 

#18

If you have specific knowledge, you have accountability, and you have leverage, they have to pay you what you’re worth. If they pay you what you’re worth, then you can get your time back. You can be hyper-efficient. You’re not doing meetings for meetings’ sake. You’re not trying to impress other people. You’re not writing things down to make it look like you did work. All you care about is the actual work itself.

#19

No one is going to value you more than you value yourself. 

#20

Wealth creation is an evolutionarily recent positive-sum game. Status is an old zero-sum game. Those attacking wealth creation are often just seeking status. . . They’re playing a different game, and it’s a worst game. It’s a zero-sum game instead of a positive-sum game. 

#21

The problem is to win at a status game, you have to put somebody else down. That’s why you should avoid status games. They make you into an angry, combative person. You’re always fighting to put other people down, to put yourself and the people you like up. 

#22

Retirement is when you stop sacrificing today for an imaginary tomorrow. When today’s complete, in and of itself, you’re retired. . . Well, one way is to have so much money saved that your passive income, without you lifting a finger, covers your burn rate. A second is you just drive your burn rate down to zero. You become a monk. A third is you’re doing something you love. You enjoy it so much, it’s not about the money.

#23

Art is creativity. Art is anything done for its own sake. What are the things that are done for their own sake and there’s nothing behind them? Loving somebody, creating something, playing. To me, creating businesses is play. I create busineses because it’s fun, because I’m into the product… It makes money almost a side-effect… My motivation has shifted from being goal-oriented to being artistic. Ironically, I think I’m much better at it now. 

#24

The punishment for the love of money is delivered at the same time as the money. As you make money, you just want even more, and you become paranoid and fearful of losing what you do have… I think the best way to stay away from this constant love of money is to not upgrade your lifestyle as you make money.

#25

To summarize the fourth type [of luck], build your character in a certain way, then your character becomes your destiny. 

#26

Trying to build business relationships (networking) well in advance of doing business businesses is a complete waste of time. 

#27

Sharks eat well, but live a life surrounded by sharks. 

#28

Your only failures are written within your psyche and they are obvious to you. If you have too many of these moral shortcomings, you will not respect yourself. The worst outcome in this world is not having self-esteem. If you don’t love yourself, who will? I think you just have to be very careful about doing things you are fundamentally not going to be proud of, because they will damage you.

#29

I have this saying inside my head: the closer you want to get to me, the better your values have to be. 

#30

The most common bad advice I hear is “You’re too young.” Most of history was built by young people, they just got credit when they were older. The only way to truly learn something is by doing it. Yes, listen to guidance, but don’t wait.

#31

Your real resume is just a catalog of all your suffering… Anything you’re given doesn’t matter. You have to do hard things to create your own meaning in life. 

#32

Most of the time, the person you have to become to make money is a high-anxiety, high-stress, hard-working, competitive person. When you have done that for 20, 30, 40, 50 years and you suddenly make money, you can’t turn it off. You’ve trained yourself to be a high-anxiety person. Then you have to learn how to be happy. 

#33

My definition of wisdom is knowing the long-term consequences of your actions. Wisdom applied to external problems is judgment. 

#34

You can only make progress when you’re starting with the truth. The hard thing is seeing the truth. To see the truth, you have to get your ego out the way because your ego doesn’t want to see the truth.

#35

What you feel tells you nothing about the facts. It merely tells you something about your estimate of the facts. 

#36

It’s only after you’re bored, you have the great ideas. 

#37

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. 

#38

If all your beliefs line up into neat little bundles, you should be highly suspicious. 

#39

“Praise specifically, criticize generally” [quoting Warren Buffet]. Then people’s egos and identities don’t work against you. They work for you.

#40

Charisma is the ability to project love and confidence at the same time. 

#41

“If you want it done, then go. If not, then send” [quoting Julius Caesar]. When you are the principal, you are the owner. You care and will do a great job. When you are the agent and you are doing it on somebody else’s behalf, you can do a bad job. You just don’t care. You optimize for yourself rather than the principal’s assets… The more closely you can tie someone’s compensation to the exact value they’re creating, the more you turn them into a principal, and the less you turn them into an agent. 

#42

If you can’t decide, the answer is no. 

#43

Pointing out obvious exceptions implies either the target isn’t smart or you aren’t. 

#44

It’s not about educated versus uneducated. It’s about “likes to read” and “doesn’t like to read.”

#45

[Question to Naval] “What can I do for the next 60 days to become a clearer, more independent thinker?” Read the greats in math, science, and philosophy. Ignore your contemporaries and news. Avoid tribal identification. Put truth above social approval. 

#46

The fewer desires I can have, the more I can accept the current state of things, the less my mind is moving— because the mind really exists in motion toward the future or the past — the more present I am, the happier and more content I will be.

#47

Happiness is what there is when you remove the sense that something is missing in your life. 

#48

Happiness, love, and passion aren’t things you find; they’re choices you make. 

#49

Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want. Every desire is a chosen unhappiness. 

#50

Today, the way we think you get peace is by resolving all your external problems, but there are unlimited external problems. The only way to actually get peace on the inside is giving up this idea of problems.

#51

The enemy of peace of mind is expectations drilled into you by society and other people.

#52

At the end of the day, you are a combination of your habits and the people you spend the most time with. 

#53

You don’t make any decisions if you don’t judge anything. You just accept everything. If I do that for ten or fifteen minutes while walking around, I end up in a very peaceful, grateful state. 

#54

Hiking is walking meditation. Journaling is writing meditation. Praying is gratitude meditation. Showering is accidental meditation. Sitting quietly is direct meditation. 

#55

Courage isn’t charging into a machine-gun nest. Courage is not caring what other people think. 

#56

Inspiration is perishable. Act on it immediately.

#57

Below is my favorite poem, written by Elia Abu Madi. I’ve translated some of my favorite lines with the help of my Arabic-speaking friends. We took liberties, as this is poetry, and a literal translation obviously wouldn’t capture any of the eloquence. Special thanks to Danah for translating the title of the poem and the first two sentences, and to Binyamin for his input at different junctures. We dispensed with some of the metaphors that didn’t seem to work in English, while trying to preserve the heart of the original. If you study Arabic, I’d love to hear any suggestions you might have on how to better render a word or phrase (Text below).

NOTE: Thank you, FrankieFalah, for posting your translation in the comments, a lot of which I love.

“Be A Source of Healing” by Elia Abu Madi

When the world around you is venomous, Be a source of Healing.

When mankind is harsh and bitter, Radiate sweetness in your interactions.

Life has withheld from you none of its treasures, Will you withhold anything from life?

Do good, even if you receive nothing in return.

Does the rain seek a reward for its outpouring?

Does a fragrant flower receive any compensation?

Whoever repaid the nightingale for its warble?

Gather together the best and most generous among you, You will find the former to be even more giving than they.

Glean from them the knowledge of love, You who have eyes to see, For I have found it to be a precious thing.

Awaken love inside of you, If it has fallen asleep. Without love, People become like shadows.

If you choose love, Your humble abode will become a luminous palace.

If you choose hate, Your life will become a dark prison.

If the desert could love, Each grain of sand would turn into a flower, And its deceitful mirage into a pool of water.

A cup with no drink is but glass, And a man without love is but skin and bones.

كن بلسما “إيليا أبو ماضي”

كُن بَلسَماً إِن صارَ دَهرُكَ أَرقَما

وَحَلاوَةً إِن صارَ غَيرُكَ عَلقَما

إِنَّ الحَياةَ حَبَتكَ كُلَّ كُنوزِها

لا تَبخَلَنَّ عَلى الحَياةِ بِبَعضِ ما

أَحسِن وَإِن لَم تُجزَ حَتّى بِالثَنا

أَيَّ الجَزاءِ الغَيثُ يَبغي إِن هَمى

مَن ذا يُكافِئُ زَهرَةً فَوّاحَةً

أَو مَن يُثيبُ البُلبُلَ المُتَرَنِّما

عُدَّ الكِرامَ المُحسِنينَ وَقِسهُمُ

بِهِما تَجِد هَذَينِ مِنهُم أَكرَما

يا صاحِ خُذ عِلمَ المَحَبَّةِ عَنهُما

إِنّي وَجَدتُ الحُبَّ عَلَماً قَيِّما

لَولا الشُعورُ الناسُ كانوا كَالدُمى

أَحبِب فَيَغدو الكوخُ كَوناً نَيِّراً

وَاِبغُض فَيُمسي الكَونُ سِجناً مُظلِما

لَو تَعشَقُ البَيداءُ أَصبَحَ رَملُها

زَهراً وَصارَ سَرابُها الخَدّاعُ ما

ما الكَأسُ لَولا الخَمرُ غَيرُ زُجاجَةٍ

وَالمَرءُ لَولا الحُبُّ إِلّا أَعظُما

UPDATE: Here is the translation submitted by user FrankieFalah. I actually like it better than my own and thought it was worth framing.

“Be Like Balsam” Translation

When fate conspires to smother you, be like balsam.

And if others are bitter, be sweet.

Indeed, life has loved you with all her treasures,

So who are you to be stingy in return?

Though the world is blind, multiply beauty.

Does the fragrant flower wait for a bribe?

Does a nightingale weigh the cost of each note?

Does the pouring rain expect a reward?

Gather the generous and count their ways,

Yet who among them can measure up to life?

Take from them the knowledge of love,

For that knowledge alone is precious.

Were it not for feelings, people would be like dolls.

Love, and by dawn the whole cosmos will fill your dwelling.

Hate, and by evening the whole universe will become a dark prison.

If the desert could love, each grain of sand would blossom and every mirage would be a pool of water.

A cup without wine is nothing but glass, and man without love is nothing but skin and bones.

[You can follow me on Twitter @creatorvilla.] Today I want to share an image circulating on social media that I thought was thought provoking. It contains observations about the all-important intangibles of faith, trust, hope, confidence, and love, using simple and relatable examples. I don’t know where the image originated—if you do, let me know and I’ll give proper credit. Until then, let’s chalk this one up to “Wisdom of the Internet.” Complete transcript below in case you have issues with the image.

Six Little Stories With Lots of Meaning

1. Once all villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer, all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella. That is faith.

2. When you throw babies in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them. That is trust.

3. Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning, but still we set the alarms to wake up. That is hope.

4. We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future. That is confidence.

5. We see the world suffering, but still, we get married and have children. That is love.

6. On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence, “I am not 80 years old; I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.” That is attitude.

Have a happy day and live your life like these six stories. Remember–Good friends are the rare jewels of life, difficult to find and impossible to replace!!

In the Jewish creation narrative, God spoke the heavens and the earth into existence. In the Biblical Proverbs, words are said to have the power of life and death. In Christianity, Jesus is introduced as the Word that God sent to manifest his power on the earth. Ancient cultures keenly understood the connection between words and the events that took place in the material world. The words of the Creator were of the utmost important. Kings, generals, and commoners sought out divine oracles by which to govern their lives. They labored in temples, churches, mosques, and prayer rooms expressly to persuade God to utter a word in their favor. It was also said that man was created in the image of the Creator. The belief was widespread that a man’s destiny would in some measure be determined by his own words.

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.

Genesis 1:3-4

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:27

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Proverbs 18:21

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

John 1:1-2

The truth is that your life and my life up until this point are the manifestation of words that we have spoken and words that have been spoken over us by others. The seed of every word is a thought. A dumb person may go an entire lifetime without speaking a syllable, but the power of words operates in his own mind. And not all words have equal power. A man may think 70,000 thoughts in a day. But only the thoughts he believes take up root in his mind, reproduce themselves, and have a powerful effect on his material reality. This is something that Jesus Christ understood.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Mark 11:24

The thoughts we believe are the source of everything else that happens in our life. They are the prism through which we interpret reality. In every moment, the brain is flooded with far more information than it can possibly make sense of. The brain has what’s called a reticular activating system, whose job is to filter information from the environment by only holding on to information that confirms existing beliefs. This is why someone who believes, “I am successful,” constantly finds evidence to support their belief in the same manner as someone who believes, “I am not good enough.” There is a famous sequence that captures the powerful impact thoughts (and the beliefs that empower them) have on our lives.

Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become deeds. Watch your deeds. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Character is everything.

Experts estimate that human beings think between 60-80,000 thoughts and speak between 10-25,000 words in day. If words are the building blocks of life, it follows that every human being is constantly creating their life. And they are doing so at an incredibly prolific rate. We often don’t see it this way because our brains are on auto-pilot and many of our thoughts are repetitive. The bottom line is that the key to all self-improvement is changing the way we think.

Abracadabra. We’ve all heard this word before. It’s what magician’s say when they perform a trick. It’s from Aramaic and means “I create as I speak.” Abracadabra is the main takeaway of this article. And the main takeaway of this website. Remember it if you remember nothing else.

When I was a kid, I always identified with the hero in movies. Nothing could be more natural. The hero is portrayed as a sympathetic character. The hero’s perspective dominates the narrative. The hero is the good guy. Villains, on the other hand, typically aren’t given much of a platform. Attention is paid to their background and psychology only when it condemns them for being the way they are. Villains are always wrong. And if you identify with the villain, then something is wrong with you.

Villains often lose their status as such when their side of the story is told.

Today I am still typically persuaded that the villain filmmakers have invented is more or less in the wrong. The villain simply doesn’t stand a chance against complicit costumes, makeup, dialogue, disturbing music and the occasional smoke. But I also realize that life is more complicated than a hero-villain binary would let on. The most realistic villains are normal people motivated by a sense of grievance. They learn to resent those they deem responsible for their plight and lose faith in the institutions they represent. Sooner or later this process leads to a desire to get even. In the extreme, destructive, anti-social behaviors manifest. How many people say that they have lost faith in their political system due to a sense of grievance? This is a dangerous sentiment because in it lies a seed of revolution. The same seed that villains nurture in response to an offense.

A prime example of this comes from the movie 300. Ephialtes of Trachis was a deformed man whose parents ran away from Sparta, a huge no-no in that culture. Ephialtes hoped to redeem his father’s honor by returning to Sparta and serving in Leonidas’s army. However, he was quickly turned down by Leonidas himself for being too weak to raise his shield. Leonidas said to Ephialtes, “If you want to help in a Spartan victory, clear the battlefield of the dead, tend the wounded, bring them water. But as for the fight itself, I cannot use you.”

Rather than accept a downsized role, Ephialtes reacted by informing the Persians of the Anopaea, a path that only the locals knew. This treasonous act that gave the Persians a tactical advantage was motivated by revenge. Had Leonidas accepted Ephialtes in the Greek army, the outcome of the story would obviously have been very different. In reality, however, his noble intentions turned sinister. The truth is there is both a hero and villain inside every man. The one that triumphs is the one that gets nurtured the most.

Today there are countless wars being fought around the globe. And there are many interests being represented. Leaders notoriously demonize the opposition in motivating their side to support a conflict. It’s a lot easier to kill villains than ordinary people with differing interests. You know the expression, “One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.” To be clear, I’m not saying there is a moral equivalence in every conflict. There isn’t. What I am saying is people tend to portray their enemies as evil even when there is no often appreciable difference in morality between the two sides.

Opinions are a dime a dozen, and they change at the drop of a hat. Some people’s opinions matter, but most do not. If you’re like most people, including myself, you meditate too much on what others think. This leads to unhappiness because we can’t control what others think, and even when we can, it takes an enormous outlay of energy. To the extent we are successful at people-pleasing, we lose touch with what intrinsically matters to us.

I recently wrote an article entitled A Simple Lifestyle Tip To Increase Self-Confidence. In it, I talked about how living true to our values–however we define them–makes us more confident people. In addressing the broader topic of how to stop caring what people think, popular vlogger Charlie Houpert from Charisma on Command makes a similar appeal. Charlie argues that the solution is to focus on our own perceptions expressed in terms of values rather than those of other people. At the end of the day, ask yourself, “Did I live up to my values?” rather than “How did my behavior today influence what other people think?”

Check out the complete video and transcript down below, as well as other content from Charisma on Command, one of YouTube’s finest. In the mean time, here is a famous excerpt from the New Testament that tells you everything you need to know about human opinions.

When Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks and put them on the fire, a viper came out because of the heat and fastened on his hand. When the native people saw the creature hanging from his hand, they said to one another, “No doubt this man is a murderer. Though he has escaped from the sea, Justice has not allowed him to live.” He, however, shook off the creature into the fire and suffered no harm. They were waiting for him to swell up or suddenly fall down dead. But when they had waited a long time and saw no misfortune come to him, they changed their minds and said that he was a god.

Acts 28:3-6 (The Fickleness of Opinion)

Transcript:

Have you ever lied about an odd hobby you have? Or maybe your job status or your height? Or even just avoided putting yourself in a situation in which you knew you were likely to fail? Why did you do that? Short answer — because you were embarrassed. Embarrassment comes from trying to control how other people perceive you. So instead of just showing the world your nerdy hobby, say, that you collect beanie babies, you go, “I don’t want people to think I’m a dweeb,”and pretend that you don’t have one.

The same process plays out with hobbies as it does with mistakes that we’ve made, areas in which we’re weak and areas in which we might get publicly rejected. We hide what we don’t want people to know about us. We conform to what other people would like us to be. But it doesn’t have to be the answer because there is another more empowering mindset. Instead of focusing on other people’s perceptions and feeling embarrassed about what they may think, focus on whether or not you live up to your own values.

For instance, if you do have a killer beanie baby collection,you obviously value something about it —maybe it’s the nostalgia or maybe it’s just a quirk that started when your grandma gave you one twenty years ago. Either way, if you value your own opinions, you won’t try to hide the collection no matter what anyone else thinks of it.

Or maybe you have a crush that you’re thinking of asking out. Focusing on other people’s perceptions of you would stop you dead in your tracks. After all, what if other people found out and laughed at you for getting turned down? But what if you instead focused on your own values like doing the courageous thing or being honest even when it’s uncomfortable? You would ask that person out. Now maybe you’d go on a date, maybe you wouldn’t but either way, you’d have lived up to your own values and no matter what anyone else said or did, you could feel proud of yourself.

The point is that when you focus on living up to your own values,you never have to feel embarrassed again. It doesn’t matter whether you trip up an escalator, get fired from a job, beat up in a fight or blown off by a girl or a boy that you like —none of that stuff is pleasant, but you don’t need the double penalty of being embarrassed by those things. Your attempts to live up to your values are all that matter, so take responsibility, try to correct course and move on. And if you have traits that embarrass you, whether it’s your looks, your height, your age —well, you can’t control those things and you can’t live up to a value that you can’t control. So even though you might not like something about yourself, own it. You will immediately feel relieved when you accept yourself the way you are.

Now this isn’t an excuse to simply give up on improving yourself in the name of self-acceptance. Some things are worth a moment of embarrassment because they remind us that were not living up to our values. So in the case of maybe having fallen out of shape, a moment of embarrassment is worth it to get you back to a healthy lifestyle or a moment of embarrassment in saying your job title can be worth it if it inspires you to hustle to land your dream job. The point is to get clear on your values then live in line with them. Let other people’s perception of you fade into the background noise.

Now this doesn’t mean you ignore other people completely to the point of becoming a self-absorbed jerk. For instance, if one of your values is to be kind and you keep getting feedback that you’re hurting people’s feelings,you probably need to make an adjustment. But just remember there are 7 billion people with 7 billion different opinions —you cannot please them all. So when you take feedback from others, focus on doing the right thing rather than the thing that pleases everyone else.

In short, stop trying to be okay by everyone. Stop trying to control the opinions of strangers. Instead, figure out your values and live by them. Be your unadulterated self all the time regardless of the audience. Make mistakes, fail publicly, get laughed at —you’ve got nothing to lose and as long as you’re trying to do the right thing,you’ve got no reason to ever feel bad about it. Own your screw-ups, your weirdness, you’re unpopular actions, and you’re free. . .

[You can follow me on Twitter @creatorvilla.] Sometimes the emotional scars of living become so wrapped up in our identity that we cannot conceptualize life without them. It takes a tremendous amount of strength to process emotional trauma. In fact, I would say this is one of the great challenges of life that all must face sooner or later. Make no mistake—I’m talking about death, divorce, injury, disease, abuse, a breakup, and you can fill in the blank. Nothing can eradicate the pain of loss, but wisdom can be the difference between staying stuck in the past for a lifetime and finding the strength to move forward after a period of grief.

I’ve transcribed a poignant clip in which former US Navy Seal Jocko Willink addresses the topic of emotional pain in a way that only he can. (You may remember him from his July 4 feature last month on discipline equals freedom.) In the clip, Willink responds to a man who wrote-in about losing a child—obviously one of the worst traumas anyone could ever go through. However, much of Willink’s insight into pain has universal application. For example, Willink analogizes pain to waves, and I cannot think of a better metaphor. No matter how absolute and all-encompassing pain may feel at times, it is not the absolute truth. It is a wave—a true but partial expression of the sum total of who we are.

I’ve never experienced the loss of a child, and I can’t imagine how difficult that is. But one thing I do know from experience—the more courage with which I “ride the wave” of whatever it is I’m going through, the faster it tends to let up. And what emerges from that process is a stronger, more compassionate version of myself.

Transcript:

My wife and I suffered three weeks of turmoil, which included losing a child. How do I expedite that moment when we pick up ourselves–basically how to push through?

So the pain that’s going to come, it’s going to come in waves. At first, you won’t even notice that they’re waves because all the waves are going to be so close together, it’s going to feel like you are drowning in sorrow. You’re not going to get any air, and you’re not going to be able to escape that sadness.

That’s what the waves feel like at first. And then at some point there’s going to be a little break, just a little break. Just a little bit of light in the darkness. Something is going to make you smile. Something is going to make you laugh. Something is going to show you just a little bit of light.

And then another wave of pain is going to come back again, and it’s going to be strong, and you won’t have any control over it. All of a sudden, you’re going to be just crying uncontrollable. You won’t be able to say, “No, no. I’m in the light now. I’m smiling right now. I’m not going to go back there.” No, you’re not going to be able to control it, and that’s scary. You’re at the mercy of this ocean of sorrow.

But don’t let that scare you. Don’t let that scare you ’cause I’m telling you that that wave is going to subside again, and this is going to go on. It’s going to go on, and the waves–they will become weaker. And what you need to realize is just because the waves are becoming weaker, this doesn’t mean that you love your child less or you miss them less or that you aren’t crushed at their passing. It just means that you’re starting to be able to deal with it, which is what you’re supposed to do.

When you feel a little bit of a break, what you can do is you can row the boat. You can row the boat, and what I mean by that is start doing something productive to get your mind moving forward. Let’s sort out the drawers in the bedroom. Let’s vacuum. Let’s do something productive. If there’s something that distracts you, that’s fine. Do it. Let there be some calm in the water.

As the calm comes, also you’re going to find moments where it’s like you can have things that are going to bring all of the waves. And that’s OK, too. Bring on the waves. Go look at the pictures. Write down the memories. Read the letters. Read the notes. Read the emails. Remember, and then there’s that standard service. You’re going to do the memorial. You’re going to do the burial.

And when that’s over, let a little bit of more time go by. Give yourself another week of washing around. Of feeling that sorrow. Of letting the waves toss you around in the ocean.

But after another week, what you do is you go and you write a letter. You write a letter to your child, and you explain to them–explain to them how much they mean to you. Explain to them how heartbroken you are that they are gone, and then explain to them why you are going to carry on. And explain to them how in losing them, you have learned without a shred of doubt, how truly precious life is. And that they have taught you the immeasurable value of your own life and your family’s life.

And explain to them that you know. That you know that they loved you, and that you know that they would want more than anything for you to be happy and productive and impactful in the world. And explain in that letter, what you will do to make them proud by how you live your life.

Then take that letter, go to their grave, and read it to them. Then cry and kiss their soul. Tell them that you will see them on the other side. Then go–live your life. And those waves are still going to come, and there’s going to be pain, and there’s still going to be sorrow, but you go and live your life. Live it well. And make them proud.

Beliefs influence how people think, act, and feel; they are based on interpretation of lived experience and have everything to do with perspective. Beliefs are typically not “true” or “false;” they are simply more or less resourceful. Many beliefs that were once resourceful continue to exert an effect long after the circumstances that motivated them have evolved. Enter the elephant-and-the-rope illustration.

Some of you are already familiar with this story. When the elephant is a baby, the trainer ties a small rope around its leg and fastens it to a peg to keep it from wandering off. The elephant repeatedly attempts to free itself but fails due its small stature. Once the elephant is grown, it can easily break the rope and gain the freedom of movement that it craves–but it doesn’t even try. By then, the elephant has internalized the belief, deep-seated and uncontested, that the rope is stronger.

It takes courage to try where we’ve failed in the past. But sometimes that is the only way to create new evidence without which the brain is loathe to abandon old beliefs.

Today, I’ve transcribed a short YouTube clip that expands on the elephant-and-the-rope story. (FYI, it’s a text-only video). Reality or fiction, I hope you find it as thought-provoking as I did!

Transcript:

Failure isn’t fatal, but failing to change might be (John Wooden).

One of my friends was passing by the elephants and suddenly stopped. He saw that a huge elephant was held by only a small rope tied to his front leg. It was obvious that the elephant could break away from the rope but he did not. My friend asked the trainer why the elephant just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

The trainer said, “When the elephant was very young and much smaller, I used the same size rope to tie him. As he grew up, he was conditioned to believe he could not break away. He still believes the rope can hold him, so he never tries to break free.”

My friend was amazed. Like the elephant, how many of us go through life hanging on to a belief that we cannot do something simply because we failed at it once before? How many of us are being held back by old, outdated beliefs?