Opinions are a dime a dozen, and they change at the drop of a hat. Some people’s opinions matter, but most do not. If you’re like most people, including myself, you meditate too much on what others think. This leads to unhappiness because we can’t control what others think, and even when we can, it takes an enormous outlay of energy. To the extent we are successful at people-pleasing, we lose touch with what intrinsically matters to us.

I recently wrote an article entitled A Simple Lifestyle Tip To Increase Self-Confidence. In it, I talked about how living true to our values–however we define them–makes us more confident people. In addressing the broader topic of how to stop caring what people think, popular vlogger Charlie Houpert from Charisma on Command makes a similar appeal. Charlie argues that the solution is to focus on our own perceptions expressed in terms of values rather than those of other people. At the end of the day, ask yourself, “Did I live up to my values?” rather than “How did my behavior today influence what other people think?”

Check out the complete video and transcript down below, as well as other content from Charisma on Command, one of YouTube’s finest. In the mean time, here is a famous excerpt from the New Testament that tells you everything you need to know about human opinions.

When Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks and put them on the fire, a viper came out because of the heat and fastened on his hand. When the native people saw the creature hanging from his hand, they said to one another, “No doubt this man is a murderer. Though he has escaped from the sea, Justice has not allowed him to live.” He, however, shook off the creature into the fire and suffered no harm. They were waiting for him to swell up or suddenly fall down dead. But when they had waited a long time and saw no misfortune come to him, they changed their minds and said that he was a god.

Acts 28:3-6 (The Fickleness of Opinion)

Transcript:

Have you ever lied about an odd hobby you have? Or maybe your job status or your height? Or even just avoided putting yourself in a situation in which you knew you were likely to fail? Why did you do that? Short answer — because you were embarrassed. Embarrassment comes from trying to control how other people perceive you. So instead of just showing the world your nerdy hobby, say, that you collect beanie babies, you go, “I don’t want people to think I’m a dweeb,”and pretend that you don’t have one.

The same process plays out with hobbies as it does with mistakes that we’ve made, areas in which we’re weak and areas in which we might get publicly rejected. We hide what we don’t want people to know about us. We conform to what other people would like us to be. But it doesn’t have to be the answer because there is another more empowering mindset. Instead of focusing on other people’s perceptions and feeling embarrassed about what they may think, focus on whether or not you live up to your own values.

For instance, if you do have a killer beanie baby collection,you obviously value something about it —maybe it’s the nostalgia or maybe it’s just a quirk that started when your grandma gave you one twenty years ago. Either way, if you value your own opinions, you won’t try to hide the collection no matter what anyone else thinks of it.

Or maybe you have a crush that you’re thinking of asking out. Focusing on other people’s perceptions of you would stop you dead in your tracks. After all, what if other people found out and laughed at you for getting turned down? But what if you instead focused on your own values like doing the courageous thing or being honest even when it’s uncomfortable? You would ask that person out. Now maybe you’d go on a date, maybe you wouldn’t but either way, you’d have lived up to your own values and no matter what anyone else said or did, you could feel proud of yourself.

The point is that when you focus on living up to your own values,you never have to feel embarrassed again. It doesn’t matter whether you trip up an escalator, get fired from a job, beat up in a fight or blown off by a girl or a boy that you like —none of that stuff is pleasant, but you don’t need the double penalty of being embarrassed by those things. Your attempts to live up to your values are all that matter, so take responsibility, try to correct course and move on. And if you have traits that embarrass you, whether it’s your looks, your height, your age —well, you can’t control those things and you can’t live up to a value that you can’t control. So even though you might not like something about yourself, own it. You will immediately feel relieved when you accept yourself the way you are.

Now this isn’t an excuse to simply give up on improving yourself in the name of self-acceptance. Some things are worth a moment of embarrassment because they remind us that were not living up to our values. So in the case of maybe having fallen out of shape, a moment of embarrassment is worth it to get you back to a healthy lifestyle or a moment of embarrassment in saying your job title can be worth it if it inspires you to hustle to land your dream job. The point is to get clear on your values then live in line with them. Let other people’s perception of you fade into the background noise.

Now this doesn’t mean you ignore other people completely to the point of becoming a self-absorbed jerk. For instance, if one of your values is to be kind and you keep getting feedback that you’re hurting people’s feelings,you probably need to make an adjustment. But just remember there are 7 billion people with 7 billion different opinions —you cannot please them all. So when you take feedback from others, focus on doing the right thing rather than the thing that pleases everyone else.

In short, stop trying to be okay by everyone. Stop trying to control the opinions of strangers. Instead, figure out your values and live by them. Be your unadulterated self all the time regardless of the audience. Make mistakes, fail publicly, get laughed at —you’ve got nothing to lose and as long as you’re trying to do the right thing,you’ve got no reason to ever feel bad about it. Own your screw-ups, your weirdness, you’re unpopular actions, and you’re free. . .

One of the most common pieces of advice ever given is “Just be yourself.” And it’s often just what we need to hear. We as people too frequently modify our personality to please others. We say, do, and act a certain way to win their approval rather than from a place of authenticity. If this describes you, “Just be yourself” can be great advice. However, there’s another sense in which we all rightly want to stop being ourselves. What if we struggle with anger? What if we’re depressed, anxious, or peak stress all the time? What if we’re simply not living the life we know we’re capable of? That’s when not being ourselves is in our best interest.

Joe Dispenza has dedicated his career to improving life outcomes using the power of the human mind. He studied neuroscience in college and is a practicing chiropractor. Dr. Dispenza is author of the best-selling Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One. I was initially introduced to Dr. Dispensa through an online lecture that he gave on his book. I was struck by how deeply what he was saying resonated with what I know to be true from my own research and experience.

I’ve created a transcript of Dr. Dispenza’s fascinating lecture on Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. His main thesis is that to truly change is to think outside your environment.

Transcript:

Good evening. I want you to turn to the person next to you I want you to look them in the eye and introduce yourself as a genius–let’s begin. Now geniuses, so happy to be with you this evening. I have a few questions for you before we begin. How many people in this audience actually believe in the idea that the way you think has some effect on your life? You believe that, yes? So how many people here actually woke up this morning and consciously created a future? You know the biggest reason why people don’t do it is because you don’t really believe it’s true. You see if you knew on a gut level that it was absolutely true would you ever miss a day–come on– and would you ever let any thoughts slip by your awareness that you didn’t want to experience?

So your brain according to neuroscience is organized to reflect everything you know in your life. Your brain is a record of your environment–an artifact of your past. So if you believe this, then does your environment control your thinking? Or does your thinking control your environment?

If you wake up in the morning and you get out of bed on the same exact side as you did the day before, you shut the alarm clock off with the same finger, you slip into your favorite slippers, you shuffle into the bathroom and you use the toilet like you always do, then you walk over to the mirror and you look at yourself to remember who you are, then you get into the shower and you wash yourself in the same routine way, then you groom yourself to look like everybody expects you to look, then you go downstairs and you drink coffee out of your favorite mug, then you drive to work the same way as you did the day before. You see the same people that push the same emotional buttons. You do the exact thing that you know how to do, and you memorize and can do so well that you’re an expert at. Then you hurry up and rush home so you can hurry up and check your emails. So you can hurry up and go to bed. So you can hurry up and do it all over again.

Here’s my question: Did your brain change at all that day? We can say that you were thinking the same thoughts, performing the same actions that create the same experiences that produce the same emotions, but secretly expecting something to change in your life. Would you agree? So then, as the environment turns on different circuits in your brain, you begin to think equal to your environment. As you see the same people and go to the same places and do the same things at the same time, it’s the external environment that’s turning on different circuits in your brain, causing you to think equal to everything that you know. And as long as you think equal to everything that’s familiar or known to you, what do you keep creating more of? Same life. Now the quantum law is still applying to you. You’re just thinking equal to everything that you know, and you keep creating more of the same.

To change–to truly change is to think greater than your environment. And every great person in history knew this. Whether it was William Wallace or Mahatma Gandhi, or Martin Luther King, or Queen Elizabeth I, or Joan of Arc–they all had a vision. They all had an idea. Couldn’t see it, couldn’t smell it, couldn’t feel it. But it was alive in their mind. It was so alive in their mind that they began to live as if that reality was actually happening now.

So can you believe in a future that you can’t see or experience with your senses yet? But you’ve thought about [it] enough times in your mind that your brain is literally changed to look like the event has already happened. Neuroscience says it’s actually possible. Now your personality creates your personal reality–that’s it. It’s that simple. And your personality is made up of how you think, how you act, and how you feel. So the present personality who’s sitting here today–you–has created the present personality reality called your life. Would you agree? Would you also agree, then, that if you wanted a new personal reality, that on a fundamental level you would have to change the thoughts that you’re thinking, the behaviors and habits that you’re demonstrating, and the emotions that you’ve memorized that have become part of your identity?

Most people try to create a new personal reality as the same personality, and it never works. We have to become somebody else. So then, as you keep thinking the same thoughts, performing the same actions, and living by the same experiences that produce the same emotions–there’s a principle in neuroscience that says nerve cells that fire together wire together. And if you keep repeating the same states of mind and body over and over again, your brain begins to fire in the same sequences, in the same patterns, in the same combinations. And whenever you make your brain work in a certain way that’s called mind. Mind is the brain in action. So as you re-mind yourself every day who you think you are, you’re causing your brain to fire in the exact same ways. And as they fire and wire in the same patterns, over time the brain moves into a very finite signature, and that’s call your personality.

Now that box in your brain isn’t literally a box, but it’s the most commonly wired, neurologically-fired programs that run redundantly because we keep doing the same things over and over again. To change your mind, then, is to make the brain work in new sequences, in new patterns, in new combinations–to begin to make the brain work differently. And the one ingredient that allows us to do that is knowledge, or information because every time you learn something new you make a new connection in your brain. That’s what learning is. Learning is forging new connections. Remembering is maintaining or sustaining those connections.

So now, every time you have a thought, you make a chemical. And if you have a great thought, or an unlimited thought, or a joyful thought, you turn on a set of circuits in your brain that fires in a very specific sequence, pattern, combination, that produces a level of mind that turns on another part of the brain that makes a chemical for you to begin to feel exactly the way you were just thinking–great or unlimited or joyful.

Now if you have a negative thought or an unhappy thought or a self-depreciating thought, you turn on a different set of circuits, and a different combination, and a different sequence and a different pattern that produces a different level of mind. And the brain then begins to make a different batch of chemicals that signals the body for you to begin to feel exactly the way you were just thinking–negative or unhappy or unworthy.

So the moment you begin to feel the way you think because the brain is in constant communication with your body, you begin to think the way you feel. Which makes more chemicals for you to feel the way you think, and then you think the way you feel, and then you feel the way you think, and then you feel the way you think. And some people do this for 20 or 30 or 40 years.

Now the redundancy of that cycle over time creates what I call a state of being. And a state of being is when your mind and body are working together, or your thoughts and feelings are aligned to a concept. So thoughts are the language of the brain and feelings are the language of the body. And as people get caught in this cycle of thinking and feeling and feeling and thinking, over time they can condition their body to memorize that emotion as well as the conscious mind.

And whenever the body knows as well as the mind, that’s called a habit. A habit is when your body is the mind. Now 95% of who you are by the time you’re 35 years old is a set of memorized behaviors, a set of emotional reactions, beliefs, perceptions, attitudes that run just like a computer program. So 5% of your conscious mind begins to work against 95% of what you’ve memorized. So the person wants to think positively, but they’re feeling negatively. They want to create their dream board, and put up their future life, but they feel unworthy. That’s mind and body in opposition. We have to recondition the body to a new mind.

So how many people here know someone who’s memorized suffering? It doesn’t have to be you, it can be anybody. And you say that person, “Hey, did you read the book I gave you?” What do they say? “No [sad voice]” “Did you see the DVD I gave you?” “Oh, no. [sad voice]” “Hey, listen, we’re going to go out to dinner, we’re going to go see some stand-up comedy, we’re going to go for a walk along the water, do you want to come?” “No. [sad voice]” What do they say? I’m insisting on this chemical order that no person, no thing, no experience can move us from it. And we have these three brains to allow us to move into a new state of being. And the quantum-field, universal mind–whatever you want to call it–responds to who you’re being. Not what you’re thinking, not what you’re feeling, but the combination of what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling called a state of being.

Most people wait for crisis or trauma or disease or loss to really want to change. They wait until the point where the ego is brought to such a low level that they cannot go on business-as-usual any longer. That’s when we begin to look at how we’re thinking or what we believe or how we act or our attitude or what emotions we’re living by. And my message is why wait? We can learn and change in a state of pain and suffering, which tends to be the human model. Or we can learn and change in a state of joy and inspiration.

Now you want to learn the hardest part about all of this–are you ready? The hardest part of all of this–the hardest part of all of this–is making the time to do it. That’s it. That’s it–making time for your precious self.

Today I want to share an article I wrote for another blog a few weeks back on a topic I have grown a lot in over the years: mindfulness. One of the biggest challenges we face in a 21st century dominated by progressive values is staying grounded in the present moment. In my experience, the journey is more important than the destination. It’s where we spend most of our lives. And when we achieve one goal or reach one destination, we typically just replace it with another. One of my daily resolutions is to stay grounded in the here and now, not some phantom past or imaginary future. See the complete article here. Do you agree with my basic proposition?

Most of us have a desire to influence others on some level. Maybe we feel we have something to offer that can improve their lives and make the world a better place. Or maybe we just want to get them to do what we want. Influencing others is as useful in business as it is in family and community life. The car salesman, the charity fundraiser, and the pick-up artist all use persuasive tactics to achieve their goals. Influence is sometimes good and sometimes bad, but it is always useful.

There are two primary ways to influence others: inspiration and manipulation. In Start Why Why, leadership expert and motivational speaker, Simon Sinek, argues that inspiration is the better, more sustainable option. I am inclined to agree. Manipulation is based on a power imbalance that is liable to come apart in any given moment whereas inspiration can sustain itself in the absence or coercion.

One of the biggest ways anyone can create influence through inspiration is by adding value to the lives of others. This works as much in personal relationships as it does in business. A quality product sells itself and generates loyalty. And the same is true of human beings. When people see the value we put out for them, they are more inclined to listen to what we have to say.

There is a caveat with personal relationships. Adding value to people solely for the purpose of influencing them in other areas is thinly-veined manipulation. It’s about getting people to act a certain way even when they wouldn’t freely choose to do so. But when value is added from a place of authenticity, then the influence garnered is inspiration in its truest sense. It is the kind of influence that is based on a willful decision to act a certain way that doesn’t create resentment in the long run.

The best way to influence others isn’t pushing the right buttons at the right time or bending over backwards. It’s about adding authentic value to their lives. And anyone adding authentic value to their lives is likely to do something positive with the influence they gain.

Every morning I wake up to the sound of a parakeet serenading the world from a small tree under my window. I can count on that parakeet being there like I can count on there being 24 hours in a day. The parakeet begins her routine around sunrise and sings throughout the morning and again later in the day. Even if I miss the opening act, I can always catch some part of the performance. I don’t know why that bird is always singing. And, quite frankly, I don’t care. I’m just glad she chooses to perch at a close enough distance where I can listen.

What’s most amazing about that parakeet isn’t her beautiful singing. It’s the fact that she sings regardless of who likes it or doesn’t (so what if my sleep is disturbed?). Every morning she fulfills her purpose. She has her mind made up and has no need to consult anyone: “I’m a parakeet and singing is what I do.”

Why are most of us so unlike that parakeet? If I had a dollar for every minute I spent worrying about what other people might think, I’d be a rich man. I’m not saying we should be more selfish. Most of the time we don’t doubt what we are doing is right. Or at least not wrong. But a people-pleasing spirit won’t let the mind be at ease. It doesn’t care what the right course of action is, its only goal is to avoid the discomfort of not being approved by others.

There’s a trade-off between authenticity and fitting in. The more we are our true selves, the less acceptance we receive from other people. Imagine if you made no effort to accommodate other people’s feelings the rest of your life. You would certainly incur the unfavorable opinions of many. The problem is most of us err on the totally opposite side—we accommodate others far more than we should. Call it people-pleasing—but the truth is it has more to do with anxiety-avoiding than anything else. People-pleasing is the antithesis of authenticity. It promises emotional safety but always leaves the user unsatisfied.

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. . . If you trade in your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.

Brene Brown, Author of The Gifts of Imperfection

People-pleasing can’t fulfill the fundamental need for belonging that we all have. This is because belonging can only be experienced when the true self is expressed. We simply can’t feel a deep connection with people who don’t know who we really are. As a result, people-pleasing robs us of a positive good in authenticity and offers nothing to compensate.

Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it require us to be who we are. . . Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.

Brene Brown, Author of The Gifts of Imperfection

The parakeet under my window is a beautiful metaphor for authenticity. The next time you hear the sound of the songbird, let it remind you of the freedom that is available to those who have the courage to be who they were created to be.

I want to sing like the birds sing, not worry about who hears or what they think.

Rumi

You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.

Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.

Note to Reader: I wrote the following article a few weeks ago and had it scheduled to post at a later date. In view of Kobe’s tragic passing, I think it makes more sense to publish it sooner rather than later. (Sadly, I had to go back and change some of the verbs from present to past tense.) As seemingly senseless as Kobe’s death was and the death of all 9 members aboard the helicopter–including his 13-year-old daughter Gianna–if there is any silver lining, it is what happened in the aftermath. We got to witness people all walks of life come together, honor his legacy, and strive to do a better job in the future of cherishing what truly matters in life.

A lot of the same skills are needed to be successful in any area of life. Take the sports world as an example. Nothing is ever achieved without work ethic, leadership, discipline, and self-belief. Few people amassed as much hardware as Kobe Bryant did in his career, who was known for bringing his A-game on a nightly basis. He earned the nickname “The Black Mamba” for his aggressive, take-no-prisoners mentality. Off the court, Kobe is a lot more philosophical. After his retirement in 2016, Kobe made inroads in business and entertainment. Bryant founded and operated as the CEO of Kobe Inc, a distributor of Kobe-branded products. In 2018, he won Best Animated Short Film at the Oscars for “Dear Basketball.” In it, he expressed his lifelong love for the game that made him a household name around the world.

I’ve transcribed a YouTube clip in which Kobe shares the factors he believes were responsible for his success. He talks about the unconditional love of his father, a second-to-none work ethic, and the resolve to learn from both victory and defeat.

Transcript:

Interviewer: What’s your definition of greatness?

Kobe: I think the definition of greatness is to inspire the people next to you. My parents were great. Growing up, they instilled in me the importance of imagination. Of curiosity. And understanding that if you want to accomplish something, I’m not just going to sit here and say “Yes, you can do whatever you want.” Yes, you can, but you have to also put in the work to get there. You grew up as a kid thinking all things are possible if you put in the work to do it. You grew up having that fundamental belief.

My father was really influential at a really critical time where I had a summer where I played basketball when I was like 10 or 11 years old. And here I come, playing, and I don’t score one point in the entire summer. I scored not a free throw, nothing. Not a lucky shot, not a break-away lay-up. Zero points. I remember crying about it, being upset about it. My father gave me a hug and said, “Listen, whether you score 0 or you score 60, I’m going to love you no matter what.” That is the most important thing that you can say to a child. That gives me all the confidence in the world to fail. But to h*ll with that. I’m scoring 60.

From there I Just went to work. I stayed with it. I just kept practicing and practicing and practicing. I think that’s when the idea of understanding a long-term view became important because I wasn’t going to catch these things in a week. I wasn’t going to catch them in a year. So that’s when I sat down and I said “OK, this is going to take some thought.” I started creating a menu of things. When I came back the next summer, I was a little bit better. Open shots–not miss open shots. To be able to shoot it with speed because those kids were so much more athletic.

It’s a simple thing of math. If you want to be a great player. If you play every single day 2-3 hours, every single day. Over the course of a year, how much better are you getting? If you’re obsessively training 2-3 hours every single day over a year, over two years, you make quantum leaps. Get up every single day, do the work. They’re looking at me like “This kid is soft. He’s from the suburbs of Philadelphia.” They felt like they could try to be physical and try to intimidate me and do all this other stuff, which they couldn’t. Now I’m saying “OK, you’re trying to attack me, how am I going to attack you.” One of the things that I would do when everybody would be at the cafeteria eating and doing all this other stuff, I would just go back to the gym. Yeah, I may be from the suburbs, but you’re not going to outwork me.

I look at things at their smallest because a lot of times the game starts moving really fast. But if you train yourself to watch hours and hours of film, the game is not moving that fast anymore. It’s an obsessiveness that comes along with it. You want things to be as perfect as they can be, understanding that nothing is ever perfect, but the challenge is to try to get them as perfect as they can be.

So how can we teach our children what it means to work hard? Well, you do it through training. So when I get up in the morning, my daughter goes with me. At 4 AM my 15-year old comes with me. It becomes a daddy-daughter thing. Through that process, she understands the value of hard work. So it’s through those behaviors that I find the motivation to do it.

Interviewer: What does losing feel like to you?

Kobe: It’s exciting because it means you have different ways to get better. There are certain things you can figure out, that you can take advantage of. Certain weaknesses that were exposed. There are answers there if you just look at ’em. It’s a constant process. It’s exciting when you win. It’s exciting when you lose because the process should be exactly the same. The hardest thing is to face that stuff. I think it’s the fear of starting anew. You play for 20 years–I played for 20 years–you reached a certain level, “OK, wait a minute. I have to start again at the base of a mountain. And try to climb to the top of this mountain.” First of all, what mountain am I climbing? I don’t even know what the h*ll I’m going to be doing.

The thing that helped me was hurting my Achilles because that forced me to sit there and say the day could be today that your career is over. The first question I asked [after retirement]– which is the wrong question–is what’s the biggest industry I can get into? I said OK, stop thinking about it that way, you’re thinking of it the wrong way. Why did you start playing basketball? Because I loved it. What do you love to do? I love to tell stories. Alright, let’s do that. I think stories are what moves the world. Nothing in this world moves without story. I think that is the root of everything and if we’re going to try to make the world a better place, story is the right place to start.

A quote from one of my English teachers at Lower Merion High School named Mr. Fisk. He had a great quote that said “Rest at the end, not in the middle.” That’s something I always live by. I’m not going to rest, I’m going to keep on pushing now. There are a lot of answers that I don’t have. Even questions that I don’t have. But I’m just going to keep going and I’ll figure these things out as I go. You just continue to build that way. So I try to live by that all the time.

The phoenix in Greek mythology is a bird that periodically died and came back to life by rising from the ashes of its predecessor. The symbol of the phoenix is synonymous with personal rebirth and revival. We all go through seasons of change. Either changes pursues us with circumstances, or we pursue change with determination. All change is an opportunity to do better and be better.

This is the time of year when most of us are finalizing our New Year’s resolutions. We all have areas we want to improve in. Getting it done in 2020 is going to require letting go of old thoughts, habits, and ways of being that are not resourceful for meeting the challenges of tomorrow.

Today, I’ve transcribed an inspiring vlog published by a YouTuber named Elliott Hulse in the wake of the New Year. The vlog is entitled “Die before you die,” and centers on the necessity of change.

Transcript:

I got a question here from our friend. I can’t pronounce his name, but he says “Elliott, I do not expect you to look at this, but if you read it, what do you think about this quote: ‘The secret of life is to die before you die to find out there’s no death.'” Brother, that has been–I resonate deeply with that. My experience has been over the past several years, I’ve died to myself. And when I speak of dying I’m talking about an ego death. I’m still the same Elliott, but many of you can probably recognize that I’m not the same person. It has been a process of ego deconstruction. When the phoenix burns down or when Jesus says “You have to die to yourself to be accepted into the kingdom. You’ve got to let go of your old self in order to embrace the new.”

One thing he also says is you can’t put new wine in an old wineskin. I think that’s a perfect example of the benefit and the value of getting rid of your old container. Your own way of containing yourself and interfacing with the world. That really requires a throwing away. It requires a breaking down. It requires a dissolving. It requires a dying to an ego construct that is no longer resourceful for who you are to become in the next phase of your life.

This is an area where people get stuck all the time. We develop an ego construct. When I say ego construct, I’m literally talking about the interface by which we work with the world. If you can imagine your self, the outside world, which is really a figment of our imagination, but we work with it. We work with our experiences. We work with our circumstances as well as working with out internal processes. And then the ego being in between it. How do I bring myself to my circumstances? When you’re 14, there’s a way to be that allows you to interface with the world in a resourceful manner. It works for you when you’re 14. The problem is when you’re 21, and you’re still approaching life with the same ego construct that you had when you were 14, you don’t evolve. You remain the same old version of yourself even though you’re being called to change.

This is where you end up with men in their late 30s and 40s who have a mid-life crisis. And we’re lost because we’re still interfacing with the world with an old version of ourselves that’s no longer resourceful for the physiological and biological changes happening in our body. Oftentimes they’ll begin to make decisions that they would have made when they were 21. Because there’s a feeling of unease, right. You become 40, and there’s a feeling of unease. Things are not the way I think they should have been. And then in that anxiety, you go back and you begin bringing up all the old things that are associated with an ego that is no longer resourceful.

For the process of becoming a stronger version of yourself to be allowed, you have to die to those old desires. Die to the old fears, hopes, and dreams such that there is a complete obliteration, right. Old wineskins. If you’re wanting to be new, you can’t pour in new goals in the old you. You can’t pour inspiration into an old you. You can’t pour old wine into an old wineskin because you’ll ruin the wine. The wine won’t stay fresh and the wineskin will disintegrate. It can’t hold it. The container can’t hold it.

So you’re needing to reconstruct yourself in a new way so that you can take on the challenges and approach the truth about who you are in the next phase of your life. What this requires is not only a conscious and deliberate going-down process. A conscious and deliberate catabasis [going-down] period. It also requires that while you’re down there, while you’re in the belly of the beast, while you’re dying to your old self so that you can be reborn again, you begin to look at those things that are actually true. You begin to look at the things that you’ve ignored. You begin to look at the things that are truly resourceful for you and what your legacy will be in your life.

There’s a process of death and dying to those things that are no longer resourceful, and a bringing forward of those things that you’ve either forgotten about, that were in the shadows, that need to be resolved, that need to be brought forward, because they’re gifts. Shedding light on things that have been in the shadow allows you to process them. So that’s that. . . I have more to say about it, but I need a break. . . .

I’ll leave you with this last analogy. By the way, I refer to Biblical stories and what not because a lot of people know them. I don’t refer to it because I’m Bible-thumping or hoping that you’ll become a Christian. I am not a Christian myself. But I am a lover of wisdom. I am a lover of wisdom literature. I am a lover of religion because it is my experience and my belief that the manifestations of God–be it Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Krishna, Zoroaster, Bahaullah–come to earth at a particular time. They’re all imbued with the spirit of God to teach us things that we need to know. So I truly believe that the pure essence of these teachers’ teachings are loaded with value. And can bring value into anyone’s life. So I advise you to open yourself up to reading the parables in the Bible and reading other wisdom literature.

That being said, Jonah in the whale is a wonderful story about what happens when it’s time to die to yourself and be born again. Jonah was a blessed dude. Jonah was doing well. He was well-off. He was wealthy. He was well-liked in his city and he was winning. God, your intuition, the universe–however you’d like to relate to the omnipotent, to the unknown, to the ever-present, to the Creator–will tap you on your shoulder. It happens not by a deep voice coming from a cloud. That’s a figment of our imagination, those are vain imaging and idle fancies, as Bahaullah called it. But it comes in the form of a sense within. For me it comes from a sense within.

Why I quit YouTube videos is because God had been kind of asking me to do this thing, and you can watch my videos leading up to my choosing to quit, where I’m like something’s not right. I don’t know what’s going on. Really I was resisting, but essentially God was saying, “Hey E. I need you to give up the things of the world for the moment because I have another job for you.” Jonah was doing well, God tapped him on his shoulder sand said ,”Jonah! I need you to help me out with something. I have another mission for you but you’re going to need to detach yourself from the things of this world. I know you’re a successful guy, I know that you’re doing well–Elliott–I know that you’re doing well. You got a million subscribers on YouTube. But I have greater things for you, I have a need for you.”

Jonah, like all of us, like myself, resists. “Ah, I can’t do that. I can’t give up all of this fame. I can’t give up all of this fortune. I can’t give up everyone loving me.” And so what happens is when you get that tap on the shoulder and if you ignore it, you end up like Jonah. Jonah went out on a boat with his boys not too long thereafter. A storm came, right, and he ended up getting tipped off over the boat into the deep dark watery unconscious. And not only did he dive deep into the waters, right. Into the darkness. Into the shadows because that’s where the work happens. The work always happens down deep below in those watery unconscious areas. But he was swallowed by a f**king whale. In the belly of the whale.

Now what happens in the belly of a whale down deep below in the unconscious. Digestion happens. And what is digestion? Jonah was being worked on in that belly. What is digestion? Digestion breaks things down. And when it breaks it down, it pulls out those things that are most resourceful. It pulls out those things that are needed. It pulls out those things that are nourishing. And it gets rid of the s**t. There are times when you will be digested in order to get rid of the s**t, so that your nourishing self can rise to the top. Done. I think I’m going to finish there.

I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.