Let it be what it will be. Give up trying to manipulate. This is freedom.

Today I want to share an easy, yet powerful technique to improve mental health. It’s called somatic tracking. It’s simple, so let me break it down. Somatic refers to the body as distinct from the mind. Somatic tracking is about mindfully attending to our internal state and whatever bodily sensations we are experiencing in the moment with calm, curiosity and compassion. Those of you who meditate may already be doing this on a regular basis.

Wherein lies the power of somatic tracking? One, it communicates a message of safety to our entire organism. Picture a crying baby or a distraught child. The fastest way to cure their stress is reassurance on the part of a parent or loved one. When we experience anxiety or physical pain as adults, our body is sending out distress signals. We can’t help but hear the signal, like a crying baby, but we often don’t attend to it. When we mindfully attend to our body’s distress signals, our mind gets the message that it is safe to turn off the fight-or-flight response that feeds chronic stress and illness. In a word, you and I have the ability to console ourselves much like a parent consoles a child, or a friend consoles another friend.

Before you go, I want to share a few fascinating quotes from an article on somatic tracking written by Alan Gordon, a TMS Therapist who specializes in mindbody medicine. It was his work that introduced me to the concept several months ago. I recommend you check out the complete article on somatic tracking. It is an easy read and well-worth the time, as is the entire free 21-day healing program that it is a part of.

It feels wonderful just to be checked in on. It can make you feel cared about and attended to, and can remind you that you matter in this world. But many of us don’t check in on ourselves, and this subtle self-neglect can actually have many physical consequences.

Neuroscientists have found that mindfully attending to our bodily sensations can actually shrink the “fight or flight” center of our brains. Furthermore, this practice enables us to have better control over our brains’ processing of pain and emotions.

Somatic Tracking is the most important component of overcoming neural pathway pain. When you attend to your physical sensations mindfully — without fear, without judgment, and without motive — not only are you communicating safety, you’re giving yourself the message that you deserve to be treated in a loving way.

Until next time, happy somatic tracking.

Opinions are a dime a dozen, and they change at the drop of a hat. Some people’s opinions matter, but most do not. If you’re like most people, including myself, you meditate too much on what others think. This leads to unhappiness because we can’t control what others think, and even when we can, it takes an enormous outlay of energy. To the extent we are successful at people-pleasing, we lose touch with what intrinsically matters to us.

I recently wrote an article entitled A Simple Lifestyle Tip To Increase Self-Confidence. In it, I talked about how living true to our values–however we define them–makes us more confident people. In addressing the broader topic of how to stop caring what people think, popular vlogger Charlie Houpert from Charisma on Command makes a similar appeal. Charlie argues that the solution is to focus on our own perceptions expressed in terms of values rather than those of other people. At the end of the day, ask yourself, “Did I live up to my values?” rather than “How did my behavior today influence what other people think?”

Check out the complete video and transcript down below, as well as other content from Charisma on Command, one of YouTube’s finest. In the mean time, here is a famous excerpt from the New Testament that tells you everything you need to know about human opinions.

When Paul had gathered a bundle of sticks and put them on the fire, a viper came out because of the heat and fastened on his hand. When the native people saw the creature hanging from his hand, they said to one another, “No doubt this man is a murderer. Though he has escaped from the sea, Justice has not allowed him to live.” He, however, shook off the creature into the fire and suffered no harm. They were waiting for him to swell up or suddenly fall down dead. But when they had waited a long time and saw no misfortune come to him, they changed their minds and said that he was a god.

Acts 28:3-6 (The Fickleness of Opinion)

Transcript:

Have you ever lied about an odd hobby you have? Or maybe your job status or your height? Or even just avoided putting yourself in a situation in which you knew you were likely to fail? Why did you do that? Short answer — because you were embarrassed. Embarrassment comes from trying to control how other people perceive you. So instead of just showing the world your nerdy hobby, say, that you collect beanie babies, you go, “I don’t want people to think I’m a dweeb,”and pretend that you don’t have one.

The same process plays out with hobbies as it does with mistakes that we’ve made, areas in which we’re weak and areas in which we might get publicly rejected. We hide what we don’t want people to know about us. We conform to what other people would like us to be. But it doesn’t have to be the answer because there is another more empowering mindset. Instead of focusing on other people’s perceptions and feeling embarrassed about what they may think, focus on whether or not you live up to your own values.

For instance, if you do have a killer beanie baby collection,you obviously value something about it —maybe it’s the nostalgia or maybe it’s just a quirk that started when your grandma gave you one twenty years ago. Either way, if you value your own opinions, you won’t try to hide the collection no matter what anyone else thinks of it.

Or maybe you have a crush that you’re thinking of asking out. Focusing on other people’s perceptions of you would stop you dead in your tracks. After all, what if other people found out and laughed at you for getting turned down? But what if you instead focused on your own values like doing the courageous thing or being honest even when it’s uncomfortable? You would ask that person out. Now maybe you’d go on a date, maybe you wouldn’t but either way, you’d have lived up to your own values and no matter what anyone else said or did, you could feel proud of yourself.

The point is that when you focus on living up to your own values,you never have to feel embarrassed again. It doesn’t matter whether you trip up an escalator, get fired from a job, beat up in a fight or blown off by a girl or a boy that you like —none of that stuff is pleasant, but you don’t need the double penalty of being embarrassed by those things. Your attempts to live up to your values are all that matter, so take responsibility, try to correct course and move on. And if you have traits that embarrass you, whether it’s your looks, your height, your age —well, you can’t control those things and you can’t live up to a value that you can’t control. So even though you might not like something about yourself, own it. You will immediately feel relieved when you accept yourself the way you are.

Now this isn’t an excuse to simply give up on improving yourself in the name of self-acceptance. Some things are worth a moment of embarrassment because they remind us that were not living up to our values. So in the case of maybe having fallen out of shape, a moment of embarrassment is worth it to get you back to a healthy lifestyle or a moment of embarrassment in saying your job title can be worth it if it inspires you to hustle to land your dream job. The point is to get clear on your values then live in line with them. Let other people’s perception of you fade into the background noise.

Now this doesn’t mean you ignore other people completely to the point of becoming a self-absorbed jerk. For instance, if one of your values is to be kind and you keep getting feedback that you’re hurting people’s feelings,you probably need to make an adjustment. But just remember there are 7 billion people with 7 billion different opinions —you cannot please them all. So when you take feedback from others, focus on doing the right thing rather than the thing that pleases everyone else.

In short, stop trying to be okay by everyone. Stop trying to control the opinions of strangers. Instead, figure out your values and live by them. Be your unadulterated self all the time regardless of the audience. Make mistakes, fail publicly, get laughed at —you’ve got nothing to lose and as long as you’re trying to do the right thing,you’ve got no reason to ever feel bad about it. Own your screw-ups, your weirdness, you’re unpopular actions, and you’re free. . .

I admit, it has taken a lot of life experience (and failure) to connect the dots on this one. It goes something like this: The extent to which we live up to our values has a tremendous impact on how much self-respect, and ultimately self-confidence, we possess. To be sure, it’s our values that matter here, not our friends,’ parents’, society’s or any wise sage that ever lived. Let me give some concrete examples.

If we believe overeating, smoking, and spending 7 hours a day on our phones is bad for us, every time we do them we lose respect for ourselves (regardless of the negative effect they may have independent of what we think). If we believe watching pornography has a toxic effect on our persons and fuels an exploitative industry, then every time we do it we lose respect for ourselves (regardless of the negative effect it may have independent of what we think). If we believe stealing is wrong, every time we cheat on our taxes because “nobody will find out,” we lose respect for ourselves. The same is true of lying, gossip, oversleeping, and a host of behaviors hat may conflict with an individual’s values.

In the same way, whenever we perform an activity that is consistent with our values — like working out, meditating, fasting, reading, being present with our loved ones, showing kindness to others, and exercising courage — we gain respect for ourselves.

If we want to improve our self-confidence, we may not have to look very far. How about doing the things we already know we should be doing and abstaining from those we should not? There’s a word for all of this: it’s called integrity. We often think of integrity as something that benefits those around us — and it does. But the truth is that our welfare is at stake before anyone else’s.

The brain is always taking notes, and it’s on us to communicate with our actions the message we want it to hear.

If you are wise, you are wise for your own benefit; if you mock, you alone will bear the consequences.

Proverbs 9:12

On July 4, 1776, representatives from the 13 American colonies declared their independence from the British crown. That declaration took place during the American Revolutionary War (1775-1783) through which freedom was officially secured for the fledgling nation. July 4 is a day of family, fireworks, and fun. It is one of my favorite days of the year, and is intended to celebrate not only American history but America’s highest ideal: freedom.

Freedom is something that every human being desires, but few ever stop to define. In public discourse, freedom often gets reduced to democracy, religion, speech, and entrepreneurship. These things are important, yet millions live in societies that guarantee all of these things yet haven’t even scratched the surface of freedom. While certain external provisions factor into the freedom equation, freedom is ultimately a matter of internal processes. It involves things like material contentment, emotional health, strong relationships, and life purpose. Yet the prerequisite for each of these provisions is one and the same: discipline.

Discipline is required to achieve anything in life, and freedom is no exception. The fact is that freedom is hard work. It takes work to become emotionally healthy, fulfill one’s material goals, and build relationships with people. Discipline is the decision to put the work in whether we feel like it or not, with faith that it will benefit us in the long run. We often take for granted that everybody acts in their best interest, but a casual look around indicates otherwise. How many people engage in self-destructive behaviors or miss out on life blessings due to a lack of discipline? Discipline, it seems to follow, is a key to personal freedom.

Jocko Willink is a man who knows something about freedom and discipline. Willink is a US Navy SEAL, the most exclusive and prestigious branch of the US military, and current Brazilian jiu jitsu practitioner. Willink is co-author of Extreme Ownership: How US Navy Seals Lead and Win and Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual. Below I present 10 of my favorite quotes from Discipline Equals Freedom that are worth meditating on.

What is your ideal of freedom? And, more importantly, how does one go about achieving it?

Quotes:

–> Don’t expect to be motivated every day to get out there and make things happen. You won’t be. Don’t count on motivation. Count on Discipline.

–> NO MORE. No more excuses. No more: “I’ll start tomorrow.” No more: “Just this once.” No more accepting the shortfalls of my own will. No more taking the easy road. No more bowing down to whatever unhealthy or unproductive thoughts float through my mind.

–> Stop researching every aspect of it and reading all about it and debating the pros and cons of it â€¦ Start doing it.

–> Don’t fight stress. Embrace it. Turn it on itself. Use it to make yourself sharper and more alert. Use it to make you think and learn and get better and smarter and more effective. Use the stress to make you a better you.

–> With myself, I have to hold the line. There are areas within myself where I CANNOT compromise. I am going to work hard. I am going to train hard. I am going to improve myself. I am not going to rest on my laurels. I am going to own my mistakes and confront them. I am going to face my demons. I’m not going to give up, or give out, or give in. I’m going to stand. I am going to maintain my self-discipline. And on those points there will be No Compromise. NOT NOW.  NOT EVER.

–> Faster. Stronger. Smarter. More humble. Less ego

–> You have to BE VIGILANT. You have to be ON GUARD. You have to HOLD THE LINE on the seemingly insignificant little things— things that shouldn’t matter—but that do.

–> Humans can withstand almost inconceivable stress—and you can too. So that is your first step: Gain perspective. And to do that you must do something critical in many situations: Detach. Whatever problems or stress you are experiencing, detach from them. Stress is generally caused by what you can’t control.

–> Is this what I want to be? This? Is this all I’ve got—is this everything I can give? Is this going to be my life? Do I accept that?

–> Motivation is fickle. It comes and goes. It is unreliable and when you are counting on motivation to get your goals accomplished—you will likely fall short.

As people, we often do things without thinking. Especially harmful things, like smoking, overeating, or lashing out in anger. We get in this numb state of mind where we aren’t rationally processing what’s going on. And that leads us to make bad decisions. Many people have discovered that when we stop and focus on the present moment, we are less likely to make decisions that go against our well-being. This is called being mindful. Mindfulness is how we live life with intention and purpose rather than being dragged from moment to moment like subconsciously programmed robots.

Judson Brewer is author of The Craving Mind: From Cigarettes to Smartphones to Love — Why We Get Hooked and How We Can Break Bad Habits. Brewer gave a Ted Talk in which he argues that the easiest way to break a bad habit is to practice mindfulness. Our brain likes to wander to distract from unpleasant feelings (the numbing effect I talked about in the previous paragraph.) People seek distractions in the form of food, drugs, or relationships. Mindfulness, however, is about cultivating interest and curiosity in the present moment such that our brain no longer seek a distraction. And when it does seek a distraction, mindfulness enables us to evaluate its effects.

Brewer and researchers have found that mindfulness can help people quit smoking and break other bad habits. Check out the inspiring video and complete transcript down below. I leave you with a provocative quote from Thich Nhat Hanh.

When you drink whiskey, learn to drink it with mindfulness. “Drinking whiskey, I know that it is whiskey I am drinking.” This is the approach that I would recommend. I am not telling you to absolutely stop drinking. I propose that you drink your whiskey mindfully, and I am sure that if you drink this way for a few weeks, you will stop drinking alcohol. Drinking your whiskey mindfully, you will recognize what is taking place in you—in your body, in your liver, in your relationships, in the world, and so on. When your mindfulness becomes strong, you will just stop.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Transcript:

When I was first learning to meditate, the instruction was to simply pay attention to my breath, and when my mind wandered, to bring it back. Sounded simple enough. Yet I’d sit on these silent retreats, sweating through T-shirts in the middle of winter. I’d take naps every chance I got because it was really hard work.

Actually, it was exhausting. The instruction was simple enough but I was missing something really important. So why is it so hard to pay attention? Well, studies show that even when we’re really trying to pay attention to something — like maybe this talk — at some point, about half of us will drift off into a daydream, or have this urge to check our Twitter feed.

So what’s going on here? It turns out that we’re fighting one of the most evolutionarily-conserved learning processes currently known in science, one that’s conserved back to the most basic nervous systems known to man. This reward-based learning process is called positive and negative reinforcement, and basically goes like this. We see some food that looks good, our brain says, “Calories! … Survival!” We eat the food, we taste it — it tastes good. And especially with sugar, our bodies send a signal to our brain that says, “Remember what you’re eating and where you found it.”

We lay down this context-dependent memory and learn to repeat the process next time. See food, eat food, feel good, repeat. Trigger, behavior, reward. Simple, right? Well, after a while, our creative brains say, “You know what? You can use this for more than just remembering where food is. You know, next time you feel bad, why don’t you try eating something good so you’ll feel better?” We thank our brains for the great idea, try this and quickly learn that if we eat chocolate or ice cream when we’re mad or sad, we feel better. Same process, just a different trigger.

Instead of this hunger signal coming from our stomach, this emotional signal — feeling sad — triggers that urge to eat. Maybe in our teenage years, we were a nerd at school, and we see those rebel kids outside smoking and we think, “Hey, I want to be cool.” So we start smoking. The Marlboro Man wasn’t a dork, and that was no accident. See cool, smoke to be cool, feel good. Repeat. Trigger, behavior, reward. And each time we do this, we learn to repeat the process and it becomes a habit.

So later, feeling stressed out triggers that urge to smoke a cigarette or to eat something sweet. Now, with these same brain processes, we’ve gone from learning to survive to literally killing ourselves with these habits. Obesity and smoking are among the leading preventable causes of morbidity and mortality in the world. So back to my breath. What if instead of fighting our brains, or trying to force ourselves to pay attention, we instead tapped into this natural, reward-based learning process … but added a twist? What if instead we just got really curious about what was happening in our momentary experience?

I’ll give you an example. In my lab, we studied whether mindfulness training could help people quit smoking. Now, just like trying to force myself to pay attention to my breath, they could try to force themselves to quit smoking. And the majority of them had tried this before and failed –on average, six times. Now, with mindfulness training, we dropped the bit about forcing and instead focused on being curious. In fact, we even told them to smoke. What? Yeah, we said, “Go ahead and smoke, just be really curious about what it’s like when you do.” And what did they notice?

Well here’s an example from one of our smokers. She said, “Mindful smoking: smells like stinky cheese and tastes like chemicals, YUCK!” Now, she knew, cognitively that smoking was bad for her, that’s why she joined our program. What she discovered just by being curiously aware when she smoked was that smoking tastes like shit. Now, she moved from knowledge to wisdom. She moved from knowing in her head that smoking was bad for her to knowing it in her bones, and the spell of smoking was broken. She started to become disenchanted with her behavior.

Now, the prefrontal cortex, that youngest part of our brain from an evolutionary perspective, it understands on an intellectual level that we shouldn’t smoke. And it tries its hardest to help us change our behavior, to help us stop smoking, to help us stop eating that second, that third, that fourth cookie. We call this cognitive control. We’re using cognition to control our behavior. Unfortunately, this is also the first part of our brain that goes offline when we get stressed out, which isn’t that helpful. Now, we can all relate to this in our own experience. We’re much more likely to do things like yell at our spouse or kids when we’re stressed out or tired, even though we know it’s not going to be helpful. We just can’t help ourselves. When the prefrontal cortex goes offline, we fall back into our old habits, which is why this disenchantment is so important.

Seeing what we get from our habits helps us understand them at a deeper level –to know it in our bones so we don’t have to force ourselves to hold back or restrain ourselves from behavior. We’re just less interested in doing it in the first place. And this is what mindfulness is all about: Seeing really clearly what we get when we get caught up in our behaviors, becoming disenchanted on a visceral level and from this disenchanted stance, naturally letting go. This isn’t to say that, poof, magically we quit smoking. But over time, as we learn to see more and more clearly the results of our actions, we let go of old habits and form new ones.

The paradox here is that mindfulness is just about being really interested in getting close and personal with what’s actually happening in our bodies and minds from moment to moment. This willingness to turn toward our experience rather than trying to make unpleasant cravings go away as quickly as possible. And this willingness to turn toward our experience is supported by curiosity, which is naturally rewarding. What does curiosity feel like? It feels good.

And what happens when we get curious? We start to notice that cravings are simply made up of body sensations –oh, there’s tightness, there’s tension, there’s restlessness — and that these body sensations come and go. These are bite-size pieces of experiences that we can manage from moment to moment rather than getting clobbered by this huge, scary craving that we choke on. In other words, when we get curious, we step out of our old, fear-based, reactive habit patterns, and we step into being. We become this inner scientist where we’re eagerly awaiting that next data point.

Now, this might sound too simplistic to affect behavior. But in one study, we found that mindfulness training was twice as good as gold standard therapy at helping people quit smoking. So it actually works. And when we studied the brains of experienced meditators, we found that parts of a neural network of self-referential processing called the default mode network were at play. Now, one current hypothesis is that a region of this network, called the posterior cingulate cortex, is activated not necessarily by craving itself but when we get caught up in it, when we get sucked in, and it takes us for a ride. In contrast, when we let go — step out of the process just by being curiously aware of what’s happening — this same brain region quiets down.

Now we’re testing app and online-based mindfulness training programs that target these core mechanisms and, ironically, use the same technology that’s driving us to distraction to help us step out of our unhealthy habit patterns of smoking, of stress eating and other addictive behaviors. Now, remember that bit about context-dependent memory? We can deliver these tools to peoples’ fingertips in the contexts that matter most. So we can help them tap into their inherent capacity to be curiously aware right when that urge to smoke or stress eat or whatever arises.

So if you don’t smoke or stress eat, maybe the next time you feel this urge to check your email when you’re bored, or you’re trying to distract yourself from work, or maybe to compulsively respond to that text message when you’re driving, see if you can tap into this natural capacity. Just be curiously aware of what’s happening in your body and mind in that moment. It will just be another chance to perpetuate one of our endless and exhaustive habit loops … or step out of it. Instead of see text message, compulsively text back, feel a little bit better — notice the urge, get curious, feel the joy of letting go and repeat.

Thank you.

The city of God is an imagined place in which everybody lives the way they ought to live. Everything in the city of God is held constant—including nature, weather, geography, and technology—but one important variable changes: human behavior. I initially intended to create a visualization exercise where I would invite you to meditate on the city of God as I conceived of it. However, I quickly found myself short on ideas. I also realized that people can approach the ideal from many different angles. Instead of sharing my own fragmented view, I decided to survey 10 of my friends instead.

You can find the prompt I sent them and their recorded responses below. The diversity of responses reflects the diversity of people I surveyed: the US, Africa, Latin America, and East Asia were all represented. What struck me the most was how practical most people’s ideals are, and the real possibility of making individual progress toward them. I invite you to think about how you would answer the prompt—and to share what you come up with in the comments.

There is an ideal in literature called the city of God or the virtuous city (Plato, Al-Farabi, etc.)–a place where everyone lives the way they should. How does the city of God as you define it differ from the world as we know it?

Respondent #1: Everyone would be happy. Employers would take care of their employees. Employees would treat each other better.
Respondent #2: The world would be a place full of justice, equality, and health. And no more animal instincts.
Respondent #3: People would treat each other better and wouldn’t be so focused on money.
Respondent #4: Each part would be conscious of it’s relation to the whole, but we live in a world of fragments.
Respondent #5: Love would be the norm. Love changes everything.
Respondent #6: Everyone would have a lot of empathy, and development would be defined by cooperation, not competition. And there wouldn’t be violence. As a result, everyone would have access to technology and its benefits (health, culture, traveling, etc.)
Respondent #7: I guess for me it’s the Taoist way—no strong government control, not many people, natural, moral-oriented. . .
Respondent #8: God’s kingdom would be manifest, There would be righteousness, justice, and peace. God would be king of that city.
Respondent #9: Tolerance and acceptance for others. There simply isn’t enough of it in our world.
Respondent #10: I think it would be a stress-free world. I think the majority would be happy. No killings. The world we live in is filled with greed and selfishness. The rich get richer and the poor stay poor.

Conflict is an inevitable fact of human affairs. A life without interpersonal conflict is no life on earth. As a result, conflict management is a fundamental life skill. Learning to avoid and defuse conflict will save a lot of emotional heartache and improve health outcomes. Fortunately, there’s a basic principle of conflict resolution that I’ve observed in effect time and again.

Conflict has staying power because emotions and pride get involved, two of the most powerful forces in the universe. When people get offended, they would often rather smolder with resentment than address the issue head-on. Direct confrontation is uncomfortable. And maybe they believe the other person acted with intention hence the futility of bring it up. Conflict can last days, weeks, months, and even a lifetime if it doesn’t get addressed. Depending on the closeness of the relationship, it can wreak havoc on the inner and external life of an individual.

You have to go first—In order to resolve conflict, you have to swallow your pride. You have to look at the situation objectively and identify the forces at work. As I illustrated in what lettuce can teach us about understanding, there is always a reason behind what people do. You may rightly think that the other person is primarily in the wrong. But it’s rare for there to be a conflict where one party is totally in the wrong and the other person handled the situation perfectly. You can start by addressing to that individual what you could have done better before giving your complete perspective of the situation. If you can’t think of anything, you can at the very least apologize for any misunderstanding that may have taken place. I used to tell myself I would never say “I apologize,” even in a limited sense, unless I know I did something wrong. But when I observed people who lead with these words get good results, I concluded that conflict resolution was more important to me than semantics.

In a state of conflict, people usually assume the worst about the other person’s intentions. Taking the humble initiative is the best way to remedy that. It communicates to the other person that you care about them. That you value their emotions and experience. That you are eager and desirous to move forward. Most people have enough light in them to appreciate this. When this takes place, a happy resolution is soon to follow.

Let’s have the courage to go first. Our mind and our body will be glad we did. Has this principle worked for you? I’m also interested to hear what other strategies you might have for conflict resolution.

Music is incredibly powerful. It impacts us in ways that ordinary prose cannot. So much of personal transformation boils down to internalizing simple truths. As simple truths are internalized, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions begin to change, and with them the direction of one’s life. Music is energy, and there is positive and negative energy in the world. An important way to cultivate positive energy is to cut out music that doesn’t speak life. It takes almost no effort to change the track. But it takes a lot of effort to reform negative beliefs and thought patterns that the wrong music can cultivate. Several months ago I overhauled all of my playlists and got rid of the garbage that wasn’t serving me. I replaced it with uplifting music that might bring me closer to the head space I want to operate out of.

In that spirit, today I want to share one of the tracks that has positively influenced my life. It’s called “It Starts With Me” by multi-grammy award-winning artist Toby Mac off his latest album The Elements. The track affirms the possibility of freedom, but only when we take ownership of our lives. It mentions generational cycles that need to be broken—challenges our parents and grandparents could not overcome. The song strikes an encouraging note and fosters a can-do mentality. It even samples a Martin Luther King Junior speech on overcoming adversity. You can find the lyrics (courtesy of Genius) down below.

Lyrics:

[Intro: Martin Luther King Jr.]
One day (One day, one day, one day, one day)
This nation will rise up (Rise up, rise up, rise up, rise up)
Rise up (Rise up, rise up)

[Verse 1: TobyMac]
There’s a million reasons to hesitate
With a history that’s filled with hate
Have we ever been united states? I wonder (Oh, oh, oh)
So who can blame us for the doubt?
Forgive me if I think out loud
But when justice just won’t come around, you wonder (Wonder, wonder) (Oh, oh, oh)

[Pre-Chorus: TobyMac & Aaron Cole]
I was born with two (Two) dirty hands
Somethin’ my daddy didn’t understand
Somethin’ his daddy didn’t understand
So it starts with me
And I was raised with distrust in my heart
Mama told me we’re worlds apart
Her mama told her don’t even bother
So it starts with me

[Chorus: TobyMac & Aaron Cole]
‘Cause we can be free, yeah, yeah I know that
Let’s try to fix the things that’s been broke down
We can be free, yeah, yeah I know that
And it starts with me (Freedom)
’Cause we can be free, yeah, yeah I know that
Let’s try to fix the things that’s been broke down
We can be free, yeah, yeah I know that
And it starts with me (Freedom)

Every morning I wake up to the sound of a parakeet serenading the world from a small tree under my window. I can count on that parakeet being there like I can count on there being 24 hours in a day. The parakeet begins her routine around sunrise and sings throughout the morning and again later in the day. Even if I miss the opening act, I can always catch some part of the performance. I don’t know why that bird is always singing. And, quite frankly, I don’t care. I’m just glad she chooses to perch at a close enough distance where I can listen.

What’s most amazing about that parakeet isn’t her beautiful singing. It’s the fact that she sings regardless of who likes it or doesn’t (so what if my sleep is disturbed?). Every morning she fulfills her purpose. She has her mind made up and has no need to consult anyone: “I’m a parakeet and singing is what I do.”

Why are most of us so unlike that parakeet? If I had a dollar for every minute I spent worrying about what other people might think, I’d be a rich man. I’m not saying we should be more selfish. Most of the time we don’t doubt what we are doing is right. Or at least not wrong. But a people-pleasing spirit won’t let the mind be at ease. It doesn’t care what the right course of action is, its only goal is to avoid the discomfort of not being approved by others.

There’s a trade-off between authenticity and fitting in. The more we are our true selves, the less acceptance we receive from other people. Imagine if you made no effort to accommodate other people’s feelings the rest of your life. You would certainly incur the unfavorable opinions of many. The problem is most of us err on the totally opposite side—we accommodate others far more than we should. Call it people-pleasing—but the truth is it has more to do with anxiety-avoiding than anything else. People-pleasing is the antithesis of authenticity. It promises emotional safety but always leaves the user unsatisfied.

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. . . If you trade in your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.

Brene Brown, Author of The Gifts of Imperfection

People-pleasing can’t fulfill the fundamental need for belonging that we all have. This is because belonging can only be experienced when the true self is expressed. We simply can’t feel a deep connection with people who don’t know who we really are. As a result, people-pleasing robs us of a positive good in authenticity and offers nothing to compensate.

Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it require us to be who we are. . . Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.

Brene Brown, Author of The Gifts of Imperfection

The parakeet under my window is a beautiful metaphor for authenticity. The next time you hear the sound of the songbird, let it remind you of the freedom that is available to those who have the courage to be who they were created to be.

I want to sing like the birds sing, not worry about who hears or what they think.

Rumi