If you scroll to the bottom of the page, you will notice that the ticker under “Blog Stats” gained another digit on the left. This week, the blog reached 350,000 total hits! I want to take this milestone as an opportunity to thank you for your support since this website kicked off — to everyone who’s read, shared, liked, and commented on articles. As a reminder, you can make your guest post submissions using the following link.

For the 50 most recent posts, click here. For the complete archive of articles, click here. You can also view all interviews or transcripts.

Let me know any ideas you have to make the site better. Drop a note in the comments or you can access the contact form here.

Next update will come at the one million mark.

It feels good when we achieve our goals. However, due to human biochemistry, that feeling is often fleeting. As a result, the process is more important than the destination.

Think of the grestest achievements in society. To win a sports championship? To get elected president? To become a millionaire?

If you watch interviews with these people, they are constantly focused on the next big thing. It never ends.

That is the human condition. I’m adapting my mindset accordingly.

(FYI, I think it’s better to celebrate smaller time frame goals (daily/weekly) than thinking something chronologically and emotionally distant could ever change our lives. Google “hedonic treadmill.”)

Creator Villa

Entitlement is so toxic because it makes gratitude impossible, which is one of life’s biggest sources of happiness.

Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours.

Do not dream of possession of what you do not have: rather reflect on the greatest blessings in what you do have, and on their account remind yourself how much they would have been missed if they were not there.

Executive business coach Marshall Goldsmith understands the power of a near-death experience. His life flashed before his eyes on his way to Santa Barbara when his pilot announced that the landing gear wasn’t working. You can imagine how he felt when he heard the pilot say, “We have a minor problem. The landing gear isn’t working. We are going to circle the airport until we run out of fuel so we can land more safely with the wheels up.” Landing with the wheels up is cold consolation when the airplane isn’t working. The plane ultimately did land safely, and the first thing Goldsmith did when he got to the hotel was write 50 thank-you notes to the people who had helped him in his life.

Have you ever been so close to death you could hear it breath? I haven’t, but the people who have all seem to have one thing in common: they come away from their near-death experience different than before. They didn’t suddenly age, they didn’t change jobs, they didn’t magically have new friends and family. The power of their transformation is the power of perspective. And what if we could tap that power using only the imaginative faculties of our minds?

Research has demonstrated that when we visualize the same part of our brain gets activated as when we experience something in the material world. The goal of the exercise that follows is to obtain the psychological benefits of a near-death experience minus the trauma. It is structured as a prompt followed by a series of 10 reflective questions. For more on the power of perspective, see the Top 5 Regrets of People on Their Deathbed.

A Near-Death Experience (Thought Experiment)

Imagine you are on that plane headed for Santa Barbara suspended 35,000 feet in the air. Now imagine it it is the engine that malfunctions instead of the landing gear. The pilot says he will do everything in his power to cushion the blow, but that an unnatural landing will take place within 20 minutes. The plane begins its slow decline, the clock starts ticking, and your life flashes before your eyes.

1. What do you love most about the life you’ve lived?

2. What people and experiences are you most grateful for?

3. What do you love least about it?

4. What are your top 3 regrets?

5. When your plane landed safely, what is the first thing you would do when you arrived at the hotel?

6. How is your life now different?

7. Did the experience change how you treat people?

8. Did the experience make you a more grateful person?

9. If you answered yes to at least one of the last two questions, why do you think it took a near-death experience to produce this change?

10. How can any of your answers to the above questions inspire you to live your life to the fullest today?

Your terrible job is the dream of every unemployed. Your house is the dream of every homeless. Your smile is the dream of the depressed. Your health is the dream of the ill. Your lifestyle is the dream of somebody else. Don’t let difficult times make you forget your blessings.

Few things can create happiness and serve as a constant token of gratitude better than a good gift. Receiving gifts is, in fact, one of the 5 love languages. I remember the time I was in college when my brother bought me an automatic Swiss-made $600 Tissot timepiece for Christmas. I was a big watch junkie in those days and had a modest, but growing collection. That watch was the most expensive material gift I have ever received to this day. Every time I looked at it I was reminded of my brother’s generosity. There is power in receiving a good gift. But there is also power in giving a good gift. And this is something that only wisdom and experience can reveal.

When I was a kid, I loved opening gifts. Christmas was my favorite day of the year, and Christmas morning was one of the few days I would voluntarily get up early regardless of how much I had slept the previous night. On the other hand, I loved watching other people open gifts a lot less. Occasionally, my brothers and I would take the money we had saved up and buy something small for each other and for our mother. I knew it was something I should do, and it brought me some satisfaction when I could tell they liked the gift I bought for them. But the joy of gift-giving for me was primarily on the receiving end.

I recently shared my view that what separates a man from a boy is the recognition that his interests are intimately bound to the interests of other people. This results in looking out for the welfare of other human beings, whether that be family, friends, or community. A boy is about himself. A man is about the team. A boy finds fulfillment in getting his needs met independent of others. A man finds fulfillment in meeting the needs of other people. This same transition from treating life as an individual sport to a team sport is characteristic of all personal growth and maturity, whether the individual is male or female. In fact, the conversation could just as well be framed in terms of “what separates a child from an adult.”

This same transition from treating life as an individual sport to a team sport is characteristic of all personal growth and maturity, whether the individual is male or female.

The seasons of my life when I was at my best were the seasons I made an effort to connect with other people and contribute to their well-being. The seasons of my life when I was at my worst were the seasons I was consumed with my own interests and ambitions. There is a mysterious principle built into the world that the people who give the most tend to be the happiest. Some people call it karma. Some people call it sowing and reaping. Some people call it the law of reciprocity. But I can think of many examples in my own life of people who search for what they can give. And I can think of many examples of people who still have the childlike mentality of searching only for what they can take. Will Smith said it simply and effectively, “If you’re not making someone else’s life better, then you’re wasting your time. Your life will become better by making other lives better. . .”

There is a mysterious principle built into the world that the people who give the most tend to be the happiest. Some people call it karma. Some people call it sowing and reaping. Some people call it the law of reciprocity.

There is power in a good gift. And the power works in both directions. That is the beauty of gift-giving. And that is largely why Christmas is such a special time of year.

Remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’

Acts 20:35

[You can follow me on Twitter @creatorvilla.] When Denzel Washington speaks, people listen. Even the characters he plays in movies like American Gangster, The Book of Eli, and The Equalizer have a certain gravitas about them–the mysterious quality of being taken seriously. There are many actors I find entertaining but would not take life advice from them. Denzel is one of the few exceptions. I’ve transcribed a YouTube compilation in which Denzel shares his secrets to success. The clip features themes of faith, hard work, and staying true to yourself. Will Smith also appears in the video discussing the toxic effect of basing one’s self-worth on what other people think.

Transcript:

Denzel Washington: Without commitment, you’ll never start. But more importantly, without consistency, you’ll never finish. It’s not easy. If it was easy, there’d be no Carrie Washington, if it was easy, there’d be no Taraji Henson, Pete Henson. If it were easy, there’d be no Octavia Spencer, but not only that, if it were easy, there’d be no Viola Davis. If it were easy, there’d be no Michael T. Williamson, no Stephen McKinley Henderson, no Russell Hornsby. If it were easy, there’d be no Denzel Washington. So keep working, keep striving, never give up. Fall down 7 times, get up 8. Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship. Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship. So keep moving, keep growing, keep learning, see you at work.

Will Smith: We tend to base our self-esteem on what other people think. And that’s not really self-esteem. Self-esteem is supposed to be how we feel about ourselves. I was just saying how dangerous it is to allow other people to determine how you’re going to feel about you. And it’s kind of like looking into a broken mirror. You’re going to look in a broken mirror and then change your face to try to look good in this defiled, busted, broken mirror. And it’s just other people’s opinions is a really s**tty way to determine how we feel about ourselves. 

Denzel Washington: You’ll never see a U-Haul behind a hearse. I’ll say it again, you’ll never see a U-Haul behind a hearse. Now I’ve been blessed to make hundreds of millions of dollars in my life. I can’t take it with me, and neither can you. So it’s not how much you have, it’s what you do with what you have. And we all have different gifts. Some money, some love, some patience. Some the ability to touch people. But we all have them. Use it. Share it. That’s what counts. Not what you drive, not what you’re flying in, not what kind of house you bought your momma. . .

Dreams without goals are just dreams. And they ultimately fuel disappointment. Goals on the road to achievement cannot be achieved without discipline and consistency. I pray you all put your shoes way under the bed at night, so that you got to get on your knees in the morning. . .

The one thing that I’m most happy about in terms of my career is the fact that I got there–by the grace of God, first of all–but short of that, I got there just by working hard. Not partying with the right people, not by compromising myself in any way or cutting any deals. Just by working hard, just by plugging along. “Sawing wood,” as I like to call it. . .

I don’t get life mixed up with making a living. I was there for all four of my children being born. When the first one was born, I recognized the difference between life and making a living. Their life. Our family’s life. Acting is making a living. 

Interviewer: What do you think is the biggest difference between doing a play [and a movie]– I mean, it’s a cliched question but I’d be interested to know your answer.

Denzel Washington: I think a part of what Viola just said is you get to dig deeper and you get another day. And you get the energy. You do a movie, and it’s 200 people that are used to it, and they don’t care. Everybody is doing their job. It comes in the theaters somewhere, and you’re picking your nose at home somewhere. There’s no energy. When I was on Broadway five years ago with Julius Caesar, I made a decision to sign autographs every night. I don’t know what I did–it ain’t happening this time, no. Only as I rub my knees, only because my knees are bad, it’s hard for me to stand.

Interviewer: And why did you decide to do that?

Denzel Washington: I wanted to say thank you. It was my way of saying thank you. The first night there was like 5,000 people out there, I said wait a minute, everybody who has play bills from our show. ‘Cause it was like people were just wondering up the block. I’m like wait a minute, I forgot I’m on 42nd street. But honestly, the energy, and I was out there an hour and a half every night, every show. But the energy you got back. The five little old ladies who just drove in from Detroit. And I’m like what are yall doing tonight. And they said, “We’re getting back in the car, baby, we got to go back tonight.” And a little 84 year-old lady was like “Baby, if I was 3 years younger.” True story. And I say this also because I hope it happens with this play–we had some high schools come. We had one school from somewhere, I forgot where, and they were doing Julius Caesar. Some young kid was like “My Brutus is a bit different. . .

He’s more the classic stoic.” But it was great to engage and exchange with these young people. There was an energy. I got more from it than I gave to the people that I signed for. The odd thing about success in film, the budgets get bigger, you make more money, but they become more formulaic, so you don’t get the opportunity. God willing, if I stay around long enough, this is what I’m going to be doing. . .

You know, you’re always affected by opinion, but the more opinions there are of you, the less I look at them because I can’t live my life based upon what other people think about me. I can’t concern myself too much with what other people think, it’s just not healthy. I don’t think I could continue to do what I do if I was constantly worrying about what somebody thought about it. . .

And anything you want good, you can have. So claim it. Work hard to get it. When you get it, reach back, pull someone else up. Each one teach one. Don’t just aspire to make a living. Aspire to make a difference. . .

You don’t have to compromise yourself. If there’s something you don’t feel good about, then don’t do it. The most important choice I was made was to say no. And I’ve said no many times to films–especially early on–I just didn’t feel comfortable with. There was one script that was my brought to me, I called it the [bleep] they couldn’t kill. He was accused of raping his wife in the 40s, and they tried to hang him, but he didn’t die. And they tried to electrocute him. They were like “It’s a comedy.” It ain’t funny to me. So I actually called Sidney Poitier, who I was fortunate at that time, and still, to be able to call. And I said this movie is making me sick. And they offered me $600,000 to play this. And he said to me, and I’ll say this to you, he said the first two or three or four films you make in this industry, Denzel, will determine how you’re perceived. He said I’m not going to tell you what to do, but remember that the first three or four or five films you make will determine how you’re perceived.

I turned it down. I turned money down. I needed the money. I turned it down. Six months later I got Cry Freedom. So stick to your guns. If you don’t feel like you should do it, then don’t do it because you don’t want to be a negative energy on the set. That’s how I feel sometimes. I’m like, you know, I ain’t doing this because I’m going to slap somebody on the second day. I think the most important decision you can make as an actress is saying no. It’s saying no. You don’t have to take your clothes off if you don’t want to. . .

Put God first. Put God first in everything you do. Everything that you think you see in me, everything that I’ve accomplished, everything that you think I have–and I have a few things–everything that I have is by the grace of God. Understand that. It’s a gift. In everything you do, if you think you want to do what you think I’ve done, then do what I’ve done.

Recently I noticed my thoughts trending in the wrong direction. Challenging life circumstances seemed to be getting the best of my emotions. Rather than dwelling on the situation I thought about the best remedial course of action to take. I have always been a big believer in gratitude. It is important to be thankful for the good things we have in life even when it seems like they are being outweighed by the bad. What better way to transform my state of mind and energize my emotions than 100 minutes of non-stop uninterrupted gratitude?

Why Gratitude

To practice gratitude effectively, it is important to understand what the process consists of and what the end goal is in mind. Below is an apt description of gratitude and what it does from the experts at Harvard Health.

Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power (link).

A number of studies have demonstrated that gratitude increases happiness and both the frequency and intensity of positive emotion. One study lasting 10 weeks had a group of participants write about things they were grateful for that had occurred in their daily life. A second group was asked to journal about daily irritations and annoyances. Another study lasting 3 week recruited college students who had sought counseling for mental health. One group of students was asked to deliver a letter of gratitude to someone once a week. A second group was asked to journal about negative life experiences. In both studies, participants in the first group that practiced gratitude reported significantly greater happiness than their second group peers. Summarizing the state of gratitude research, Harvard Health had this to say.

In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.

100 Minutes of Gratitude

100 minutes is admittedly not a long time. It comes and goes and we carry on with our lives. But even in the relatively short span of 100 minutes, I experienced tangible benefits that translated into other areas of my life. For this exercise, I retreated to my room, shut off my phone, stopped consuming, and let my mind focus only on the things I was grateful for. I recalled happy memories from the past, blessings I was currently living, and doors of the future that I resolved to walk into with a thankful attitude. I even practiced being thankful for the difficult times of the past that had taught me lessons and enabled me to see the world in a different light. Here are three major takeaways from this session and the exercise of gratitude more broadly.

1. I Had More To Be Thankful For Than I Realized

My resolve only to focus on things I was thankful for worked like a magnet. Examples from the past, present, and future flooded my mind. I expressed gratitude that I was given attention and care as child; that I drove a nice car and lived in a beautiful house; that I had the opportunity to receive an education; and that I had friends and family who loved me. I also thanked God that nature was so giving and had enabled our species to survive and thrive throughout the ages.

Gratitude provee the saying, “What you focus on grows, what you ignore dies.” Over time, as I made conscious effort to control my focus, my brain wandered less and settled more on things I had to be thankful for.

What you focus on grows, what you ignore dies.

2. My Reality Was A Function of My Own Mind

Gratitude did not change anything in my external world. I lived in the same house and drove the same car. It was still summer. And I was still my mother’s son. My circumstances and the challenges therein were the same as before. However, after just one session I felt a little better about every area of my life. Imagine practicing gratitude 100 minutes, or even 10 minutes, every day for a year. Reality and perception really are two sides of the same coin.

3. Gratitude Cost Me Nothing

People bend over backwards every day to make themselves happier. They work long hours. They spend huge sums of money. (Amazon’s recent Prime Day generated more than $5 billion in revenue) (link).They modify their dress and behavior to earn the acceptance of others. And sometimes they commit crimes and deal deceptively. But what if I told you there was a cheaper alternative, one that didn’t cost a dime. An alternative premised on the fact that you are a part of something greater than yourself. That no matter who you are you have something to be grateful for. And that something is at least partially the result of forces beyond your control.

All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.

Proverbs 15:15

Gratitude isn’t new-aged nonsense or a passing fad. Research demonstrates what wise people know instinctively—that being thankful leads to greater individual happiness and better health outcomes.